According to results of a survey released this week Britain is full of Wizards, Witches, Druids, Psychics, Aliens and people with supernatural powers including the ability to teleport people they don’t like to other galaxies.
This last category are very bad news for Channel 4, “Neighbours from Hell” has been a great summer schedule filler for years but will Neighbours to Betelgeuse ever catch on. I mean, the expression on some chavvy types face as he, his pit bull, quad bike and Burberry cap start to dematerialise would be priceless two, maybe three times but there isn’t much scope for plot development.
The survey was sponsored by the Sci Fi TV channel and supervised by Rev. Lionel Fanthorpe, editor of the Fortean Times website, psychic investigator, expert in “anomalous occurrences” and all round loveable eccentric (I wish there were more like him.) Its final report revealed that around 10% of Britons now believe in pagan gods, ley lines, psychic healing, precognition through the use of crystal balls, tarot cards etc., alien abduction and divining. This is more than regularly attend mainstream churches.
Region by region it turns out that Sussex is very psychic, Essex is full of witches (you can recognise them by the white stilettos) and the East Midlands is not very weird at all. Now why does that not surprise me?
Cornwall and the West Country scored very highly as one might expect but the top counties were all in the heathen north. Lancashire, North Yorkshire, Cumberland and Northumberland are populated by people who are off their heads it seems.
Which would confirm what we have always told you about the potency of our local beer. Drink the right stuff and the world fills up with engaging oddballs.

Read Ian's poem for Spring Equinox, From the Darkness at Authorsden. Also links to other pagan poems in his Eightfold Year series.