So everybody is expecting an election in the next few weeks. Little Nicky Machiavelli got that one wrong then, nygh nygh nh nygh nygh to him.
Well a few months back Sallyontour and I floated a new party, the Really Awkward Party (RAP)and one of the promises in our manifesto is we will pass a law requiring Free Market Economics enthusiasts (aka Thatcherites) to only speak when they have an intelligent thought to articulate.

That will shut the buggers up forever.

Boggart Blog's special correspondent Meeja Insydah files this story from the sanctum sanctorum of the media industry, Rupert Murdoch's truss.

Many of the charges of cheating laid against phone in operators were grossly unfair a new report from the media regulator Ofstatingtheobvious reveals. In most cases where competitions were not won for many weeks the contestants were just thick. Take a look at these examples.

QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.

DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival
every
year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful
World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part
between
your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with
the
song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which
country
is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and
'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be
very
upset with you.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have
all
written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the
Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show
about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.

QUIZMANIA
Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of
'clock'.
Contestant: Grandfather.
Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
Contestant: Panda.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the
middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?

MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm . . .
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?

SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.

FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word -
CHED
and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the
world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in
Spain.

RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?

THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name
includes the letter 'e'.
Contestant: Ghana.
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant: New Zealand.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM (PRESTON)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name
of
a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in
1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er
...
er ... three?

NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid
and
what?
Contestant: Jelly.

RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek
goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?

BLIND DATE (ITV)
Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't
hear
that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er ... Mexico?

DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant: Enid Blyton

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and
Israel
last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er . . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?

NATIONAL LOTTERY
Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which
sea:a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque
now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the
sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRM
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.

BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80
tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm . . .
Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which
jungle-swinging
character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.

So there we have it. The phone companies were not to blame, what is the point of wasting time answering calls from people who will still get it wrong enen if you tell them the answer?

Thank you very much indeed for that news, Meeja Insydah, now back to the Boggart Network News rolling newsdesk.

Men with deep voices tend to have more children than those who speak at a higher pitch, scientists say. Their finding is based on a group of hunter-gatherers in Tanzania known as the Hadza, who can be studied without bias because they use no birth control. Males who hit lower notes as they talked had about two more children on average than squeaky speakers.

Again the scientists waste time and money on studying the blatantly obvious. I mean, we all knew Michael Jackson was not the biological father of those kids didn't we?

The BBC do have a way of dumping shite on their own heads from a great height. The latest example of this skill is the scandal of The Blue Peter Pussy (ooooh, Mrs. Slocombe.)
Now the whole pussy cockup (oops, pardon!) revolved around the choice of a name for the new Blue Peter cat. The reason given when it emerged that the cat had been named “socks” although the name voted for by the viewer was “cookie” was that the production team had been so busy patronising non middle class kids they forgot to switch on the vote counting computer.
Within hours of the announcement Boggart Blog had been contacted by a whistleblower who revealed that in fact “Cookie” had been rejected because it could be interpreted as a slang term for female genitalia.
You would think someone would have known that cookies and muffins are not the same thing, but no, what we have always suspected about the Blue Peter team was confirmed, they really are so twee they don’t have holes in their bottoms. Or if they do, they have their heads up said holes.
The whole sorry business did remind us that children love pets, so to encourage more young readers to Boggart Blog, we asked fatsally (who has more cats that Jenny Greenteeth has frogs) to fix us up with three kittens for the office.
To avoid confusion their names will be Minge, Quim and Slit.

A motorist who stopped on the hard shoulder of the M67 and then crossed over to the opposite carriageway to help another motorist who had had an accident was handcuffed and hit with a baton before being arrested. Despite the fact that Graeme Deacon had helped the first motorist to safety and then helped a second motorist whose car burst into flames when it collided with the stranded vehicle, the police still deemed him incapable of crossing the deserted motorway to his vehicle. When Mr. Deacon walked away from the officers he was pushed to the ground, hit on the legs with a baton and handcuffed before being taken into custody.
As this was Manchester police one can only assume if he had just stood by and watched the carnage he would have been given a bravery award and no doubt offered a position as a community support officer.

As promised Boggart Blog, having recruited a global network of journalists and experts in their field brings you the first of our Special Correspondent reports

THE GREATEST LAW SUIT EVER from Boggart Network News legal correspondent A. Cheever - Loophole.

Charlotte, North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that
the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.. and WON! (Stay with me now.) Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.

The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".
NOW FOR THE BEST PART.

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

A. Cheever - Loophole, Boggart Network News, North Carolina.

Unrestricted immigration such as is happening since the EU expanded to many East European nations can case many problems, not the least of which is language.While we rejoice in the fact that NHS Dentists and freelance plumbers are available to all, we must sympathise with the schoolteachers who are suddenlyfaced with teaching a class, up to 50% of whome either only have very limited English or do not speak the language at all. But problems are not restricted to schools or the workplace.

Some busineses, in their eagerness to welcome the new Europeans had gone just a little overboard. For example, outside ASDA’s local store a large advertising board proclaims “Polish food in stock.”

This has so confused older shoppers they are taking in dusters and tins of Mr. Sheen and buffing up a few tins of beans on their way round.

All around the nation, we hear, senior hospital staff have worked around the clock right through the wekend in a desperate attempt to put in place contincency plans when the anticipated public health crisis occurs later this week.
Dr. Nigel Carver of the Royal College of Surgeons said "if it as bad as we have been led to expect, there is no way we will cope."
A & E and Cardiac units have been placed on Red Alert and all leave for Paramedics cancelled and government ministers have appealed to Downing Street to recall army medics in duty in the Middle East.
Opposition MP have criticised the Government for not enforcing tougher measures on exercise and healthy eating.
The reason for the panic is that for several weeks ahead, on Thursdays at 10p.m. millions of overweight, middle aged men used to living sedate, sedentary lives will have to cope with the sight of doe-eyes, pouty-lipped Billie Piper prancing around in Agent Provocateur lingerie. It is going to raise blood pressure more than those ageing hearts and furred up arteries can cope with.

Billie Piper - Diary of a Call Girl

MORE GREAT Humour every day from Boggart Blog

The latest climate change catastrophe is brewing in Italy where this is a shortage of pasta. There is just not enough durum wheat to satisfy the Italian appetite for the stuff and even the sad passing of Luciano Pavarotti has done nothing to ease the situation.
The reason for this is not crop failure (that's next years crisis now this year's drought has depleted the aquifers and reduced rivers to a trickle) but a switch among farmers to growing oil seed crops for biofuel. So obsessed is the EU with cutting carbon emissions they have provided subsidies that make it more profitable for farmers to grow for biodiesel than food.

So as we settle back to watch millions starve while the elite whizz around inb their Chelsea Tractors emitting chip shop smells, we can proclaim another triumph for bureaucracy in the battle to save the planet then.

MORE humour every day from Boggart Blog

Hard to swallow maybe, but its absolutely true if this item from nultygoestopartick is to be believed

It is many years since Jaques Cousteau last explored his undersea world, thrilling and informing a generation with astounding photography and gentle, measured descriptions of the myriad lifeforms found in the magical world beneath the waves.
I don't recall being taught very much about marine life in school, although we did disect a fish in biology, and it seems that despite efforts to broaden the curriculum this is, sadly, still the case.
Here are some extracts from projects about 'The Sea' written by Junior School chidren.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.

Oysters' ball are called pearls.

A dolphin breathes through an arsehole on the top of its head.

Some fish are dangerous. Electric eels can give you a shock. They live in caves and plug themsekves into chargers.

And here are some other points to bear in mind if you are considering a water sports holiday.

If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent.

My uncle goes out fishing with pots and comes back with crabs.

Divers have to be safe when they go under water. They are not allowed to go down alone, so they go down on each other.

When you go swimming in the sea it is very cold and makes your willy small.

On holiday my mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast and says she won't try it again because water shot up her fanny.

Paddington Bear has ditched his beloved marmalade sandwiches in favour of marmite. Shock! Horror! How can this be? In an article in The Times Natalie Haynes claimed that Paddington's creator, Michael Bond, had written the script for the commercial starring the duffel coated bear from darkest Peru trying out a marmite sandwich, suggesting that he had received a shed load of money to change Paddington's tastes. Mr. Bond was quick to repudiate the allegation. In a letter published in today's Times he says, "I should be so lucky..."
So what is going on exactly? I think we should consider the possibility that Paddington has been taken hostage by the PFFM (People's Front For Marmite) and is being made to make these commercials against his will.

Boggart Network News - The Spanish Main.

Ha-harr mates, avast behind there. Just hove to at limmy.com (very finny blog)where a paaarty was in full swing acos it be Int'narrrtional Talk Loike A Pirate Day. We waz forgettin' about this event on account of our resident pirate corrspondent Blaaack Jaaack Baaastard be straaanded in The Delta of Veuns.

Still it ain't too late bt'join in the paaarty blogmates, when you goes down the pub tonight, tell aaal the scurvey lubbers as how they got to talk loike pirates until the claaack be strikin' midnight.

And put it in yer Blackberries ye scabrous sons of sea haaags, September 19th is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Ha-haaar!

Boggart Network News - from the Sports Desk.

Though this story does not directly concern him, it’s been nice to see fellow Guardian reader Graham Le Saux plugging his book this week. On being asked by one interviewer how much his career had been affected by his being branded a “poof” by team mates and opponents for his love of literature and theatre and his refined tastes in news media, Le Saux replied that he had not so much chosen the wrong career as the wrong paper.
Was that any reason for the legendarily thick Robbie Fowler to try to provoke Le Saux by bending and spreading the cheeks of his arse in front of the other player. You notice a marked difference in the level of wit here.
Graham Le Saux is no more gay than he is thick. But one must wonder about the arse –baring, macho – posturing, gang – banging stereotypes of the game. Given the homoerotic nature of team sports we would think they ought to be smart enough to go easy on the bonhomie in the showers. But football is a profession in which stupidity is regarded as a state to be aspired to.
Which brings us nicely to the story of the thickest footballer in the history of everything, ever. Stephen Ireland was selected to play for Northern Ireland against Czech Republic. Now maybe he was confused by the fact that he is called Ireland and was due to play for Ireland but for some reason he did not fancy the game.
So Stephen put his outsized intellect to work and came up with a brilliant get out. He would tell them his Granny had died. Said Granny was a tad pissed off when she read in the paper that she was dead. For obvious reasons one does not expect to be around to read of one’s own death.
“I’m not dead, he’s telling porkies, he’s a naughty boy,” she said in a press release, “I had a bit of a cold but it’s better now.”
Without breaking his stride Stephen slipped this one. He’d made a mistake, he told reporters, it was his other Granny who had dies and as he had never liked her much, if he had not been confused he would have been willing to play.
Stephen’s other granny was more than a tad pissed off, not only was she not dead but she had learned, along with the rest of her community, that the Grandson she had doted on had “never liked her much.”
A much more intelligent Irishman, Oscar Wilde, might have remarked at this juncture, “To lose one Granny is unfortunate, to lose two, especially when they are both at home, begins to look like something only a footballer could come up with.
Young Stephen was not finished however. By this time he was either totally confused or desperate not to play for Ireland ever again because he said “Silly me, it was my Grandad’s partner who died,” or words to that effect.
Grandad’s partner was not dead. Grandad said Stephen would be if he ever showed his face round there again.
Traditional football-manager-philosophy has it that the game is not over until the final whistle blows. Had our hero ignored this and heeded the street – philosophy that goes, “when you can’t see out of the hole you’re in, stop digging,” he might have saved some dignity.
In a last bid to force a draw in stoppage time Stephen came up with the excuse that he had lied because his girlfriend had just had a miscarriage and needed his support and he wanted to shield her from the media.
It would have been the prefect excuse had the girlfriend popped up and confirmed the story. Unfortunately neither team – mates, friends nor undead Grannies have ever heard of any girlfriend let alone a pregnant one.
We predict Stephen will be greeted with chants of “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” from the terraces. Who knows, this may even attract the attention of Robbie Fowler who has been looking out for another player who had the hots since Graham Le Saux knocked him back.

Sitting around the office waiting for BBC to get back from the doughnut run. The day progresses as normal, Ian checking the weeks recordings of Emmerdale to see if Linda finally makes the breakthrough to acting, well that's his excuse anyway. Soft Mick seeing how many paper clips he can pick up with his new bar magnet, I'm using the computer to design flyers for my new sideline (a bog snorkling school as you asked) and Jenny is nowhere to be seen, but that doesn't necessarily mean she isn't here.
BBC returns brandishing a newspaper. "According to this report 15% of office staff do very little." he announces. The editorial team look up at one another.
"Bloody slackers," says Ian. "100% of our team do very little."

To those of us who, on hearing the words “Northern Rock,” are more likely to think of Oasis, The Beatles, Joy Division, The Kaiser Chiefs or Dire Straits than the security of our nest egg or the value of our property, the past few days have been baffling.

Where did all these miserable looking people who were trying to withdraw their £1million life savings come from. Just how many miserable buggers who have spent their lives amassing £1million in savings are out there. And what kind of society are we that has abandoned them to their misery rather than teaching them to go out and get a life because we only get the one shot at it. What lonely, dysfunctional existences they must have had, fretting about interest rates and wandering from supermarket to supermarket comparing prices in order to save a penny on a pound of butter.
How fortunate are we who like George Best can say “I spent most of my money on booze, fast cars, faster women and gambling – and the rest I just wasted.
People have their priorities wrong. Money can buy happiness, but only if we are not afraid to spend it.
We should feel no pity for the panicking savers of Northern Rock, we should rather rejoice that their exposure to the existentialist nature of global economics may teach them prudence is pointless. Let’s hope the lesson will cause such a liberating rush of adrenaline they go out and blow their bundle on wild living.
Sadly, looking at those sad, grey, middle aged, worry-lined faces (and that is just the ones who are still at school) in the queues, we can’t see it happening.

During Emmerdale las night former Page 3 "stunna" Linda Lusardi had to play a scene in which she confronted by a younger and more attactive lady who revealed she knew the character Linda portrays is not her sister but her Mum (what would soapland be without a bit of who's your father"?) Naturally thins highly emotional scence had everone in our house on the edge of their seats, punching the air in wild enthusiasm and yelling words of encouragement.
"Go on Linda," we cried. "go for it girl, you're nearly acting."

A long time ago I used to have a T shirt with a little F1 car drawn on the left breast and the words:

FISA
+
FOCA
=
FIASCO

FISA are the governing body of motorsport and FOCA was/is the F1 Constructors Association. It was a dig at the shambles the sport had got itself into with the deal making and wrangling between the two groups.
Well times have changed and it now seems that the FIA as FISA is now known, under the leadership of Max Mosley, can manage to create a shambles all by itself.
Over the last week a great deal has been made of the Ferrari McLaren spying scandal, which came to light when the wife of the McLaren chief designer took a 780 page document containing technical data from Ferrari into her local photocopy shop (Doh). What then appears to have happened is that the test driver was made aware that information was available from a reliable source and made a series of phone calls and e mails requesting info and relaying it to Fernando Alonso.
On finding out about this Ron Dennis, head of McLaren, informed Max Mosley and hey presto ...the drivers get off scot free, the two team members involved, one each from MsLaren and Ferrari are suspended and McLaren gets landed with a $1million fine and are stripped of all their championship points. That's a fair and just outcome then. Or could it all be a bit cynical in an attempt to keep the spectators interest in the drivers championship and of course the huge revenues received from the TV coverage?
And to cap it all the ensuing race was so enthralling that I hunted around for a SuDoku I hadn't finished as I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

Britain's oldest recipe, a kind of meat pie, dates from 6000BC, archaeologists have revealed. (Local legends in and around Wigan, the land of pie eaters, has it that the world was created when Mrs. God accidentally added some DNA to the pie she was making for hubby's tea but this is mere superstition) These pies are thought to have been a staple of the Neolithic diet.

If you are interested in eight thousand year old pies, they can always be bought in any motorway services area, railway station buffet or from roadside caravans selling dodgy food.

For more on Prehistoric food, check out Bog Butter

The start of a new era at Boggart Blog today as our plan to become the world's foremost media organisation takes a step forward with the launch of our global news service BNN (Boggart Network News.)

Boggart Network News Special Report

Who remembers The A Team, those four Vietnam war vets who as victims of official malfeasance were condemned to wander the nineteen – eighties fighting for truth, justice and Mom’s Apple Pie wherever the dark forces of communism, tyranny and bad scriptwriting reared their ugly heads.

The ‘A’ Team fondly believed that if they saved enough “little people” from the oppression of the rich and powerful they would win an official pardon. And so these soldiers of fortune roamed the television land seeking out local tyrants who, in their impatience to build a new chemical factory had hired a gang of armed thus to drive out the gentle and sweet natured owners of a sanctuary for small, furry animals.

In such situations The ‘A’ Team would arrive, quickly assess the situation and then use their welding gear* to construct a formidable fighting vehicle from a pile of old junk. This vehicle, armed with cannon capable of firing heavy calibre vegetables and pumps to spay jets of high pressure agricultural slurry would subject the villains to a barrage of cabbages from its Rocket Propelled Cabbage launchers, thus routing them and spraying them with stinky liquefied shit as they retreated. After saving the small furry animals and their protectors The ‘A’ Team would learn again that their petition for a pardon had been denied and they would flee in the most conspicuous van ever to take the road (this thing stood out more than a forty - tonner truck at a Bubble Car rally) to evade capture as their continued their campaign to clear their names.
(*Note to would be fighters for truth, justice and Mom’s Apple Pie – you will need to carry with you at all times, welding gear, eye