Boggart Network News...
From Special Correspondent – d’Wight van Dryver (motoring)

Highway Sex Code

Congratulations to the people who write the Highway Code. In the new edition they have not only come up with some of the most spurious advice ever given to the public by civil servants, they have incited sex crime.

Here are a few items of highway etiquette advised by the book:

Do not talk to passengers while driving.
Yeah, right. And when the kids are screaming “are we nearly there yet” every two seconds we just ignore them do we?

Do not listen to loud music in the car.
And where else can you play Bat Out Of Hell or your Iron Maiden albums these days without identifying yourself as a sad old fart. And anyway, why is loud music banned when it is OK to play soft music which could lull you to sleep at the wheel, causing you to veer into the path of oncoming traffic and cause a multi vehicle pile up resulting in many serious injuries and a few deaths.

Do not smoke behind the wheel.
This is just lunacy as it encourages drivers to put the car in cruise control and abandon the wheel while they climb into the rear seat for a quick ciggy.

Do not change CDs, adjust knobs or look at Sat Nav while driving.
Well apart from the fact Sat Nav will only direct you into a river, over a ravine or across a ploughed field, what is the point of having it if we don’t look at it? Adjusting knobs etc.? So it is dangerous to use indicators while driving, turn lights on, raise of lower temperature or put on a CD of soft, easy listening tunes? OK. We can see everybody following that advice.

Do not eat, drink, read or put on makeup while driving.
The type of people who do those things are hardly likely to be the ones who look in the Highway Code are they.

But our favourite was this:

If you feel tired while driving on the motorway, pull off at the next services.
Now that sounds to us as if it would involve several arrestable offences.

This is d'Wight van Dryver, Boggart Network News, M6