I could never quite make my mind up about Will Smith and until now never understood why. He was funny in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and as a stand up and turned in competent performances in films like Men in Black. Somehow though I never took to him, it was not his strange looking ears I’m sure, perhaps it was the way, because he is tall and gangly we are expected to assume he is multi – mega – talented (what happened to the little, fat, talented bloke in The Fresh Prince, he was hilarious?) No, whatever the thing about Will was, it remained intangible.
It troubled me for many years. I wanted to like the guy, he is intelligent, articulate and well presented but there was something that did not gel.
This week Will was reported as having leaped to the defence of his friend, Hollywood weirdo Tom’ Cruise (4’6”) whose devotion to the evil mind control cult of Scientology continues to attract showbiz types and ridicule. Styling himself a student of world religion, Will enlightened us thus: “The ideas of The Bible are 98% the same as the ideas of Scientology, Hinduism and Buddhism.”
Hindu and Buddhist devotees might be quite surprised to hear that and, well I’m no fan of The Bible but I don’t recall any mention of inter-galactic Empires in the Old Testament.
So what are these Scientology beliefs that are 98% the same as most of the world’s great religions?
The information I am about to give you is usually only revealed to people who have gained admission to Scientology’s highest echelons by making a payment of £350,000 and an epoxy resin replica of Kirsty Alley’s butt. Remember, you were let into this secret of the origins of civilisation for free at Boggart Blog (although if you want to send $350,000 (£175,000) feel free. We will pass on the replica. Here we go.
Seventy five million years ago the Intergalactic Evil Overlord Xenu banished dissidents from his realm and sent them to earth in spaceships that looked like Douglas Dakotas, (the WW2 transport plane.)
These beings were imprisoned in mountains before being blown up with H bombs, and brainwashed by repeated showings of movies based on the sci – fi novels of L Ron Hubbard. Their traumatised spirits, called Thetans, then took possession of human bodies and still possess us.
Your inner Thetan can only be removed by “advanced scientology” in a ceremony that involves paying the cult $350,000. You will be relieved to learn however that Xenu is safely in captivity under a mountain, just like Merlin in the King Arthur legend.
Will Smith is not yet a scientologist but says it is dangerous and ignorant to ridicule the beliefs of scientology or any other religion.
“How can I condemn their beliefs when I believe my God was born of a pregnant virgin?” he asks.

So now I understand why I could not take to Will Smith for all those years.
He’s a dick.

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