In another step towards covert privatisation of the NHS the government announced a new layer of health bureaucracy, Polly Clinics. The idea is that by replacing local doctor’s surgeries with impersonal diagnostic conveyor belts manned by Parrots, patients will be driven into the private sector or towards self daignosis and buying drugs illegally marketed on the Internet.
Boggart Blog’s invisible undercovr reporter Sof Mich dropped into a pilot Polly Clinic just as patient Joe Soap entered the consulting room of Doctor Polly.
Dr. Polly:
Squawk, hello sailor, fancy a good time, squawk.
Patient:
The thing is doctor.
Dr. Polly
Who’s a clever doctor then, squawk, whos a clever doctor?
Patient:
You are doctor, about my problem...its rather embrrassing...
Dr. Polly
Squawk, when did you last have a dump
Patient:
I’m not constipated doctor, its more embarrassing. I wonder
could you keep your voice down.
Dr. Polly
Oh he’s shy, squawk, oh he’s shy, lookatimblush,lookatimblush
Patient
I’m not shy, the walls are thin and there is a waiting room full
of people.
Dr. Polly
Schik,schik, bit of a loner, know what I mean. Bit of a loner,
know what I mean.
Patient
I was thinking of patient confidentiality.
Dr. Polly
Ssssqqquuuaaawwwkkk, ooh get you
Patient
I just don’t want my health problems broadcast.
Dr. Polly
He’s got the clap, he’s got the clap.
Patient
I have not got the clap. Its just an embarrassing problem and I
find it difficult to discuss.
Dr. Polly
Got a touch of Farmer Giles have we, bunch of grapes, Farmer
Giles.
Patient
No, no, its well harrumph, the elevator isn’t working.
Dr. Polly
Squawk squawk squawk, can’t get it up, gant get it up. Who’s an
impotent boy then.
Patient
I really must object. I've a good mind to go to a private
clinic. This is a total violation of my rights.
Dr. Polly
What do I know about rights, I’m a parrot.
