It must be nine months or so since the smoking ban came in and I'm sure we all appreciate the government's deep concern for our health and longevity,except perhaps the thousands upon thousands of smokers who are now forced to stand outside in the cold, rain, sleet and snow, risking colds, flu, hypothermia or even pneumonia to have their 5 minute fix.
On the downside it has opened up our nostrils to the many foul odours that have previously lurked beneath the haze of smoke; body odour, fartgas, stale beer, that school dinner smell one often comes across in otherwise innocuous places, some people's choice of aftershave or perfume, bad breath... the list goes on.
However there is one smell which is becoming more prevalent and it must be bad for one's health, probably more damaging than passive smoking as it could induce such rage that it would surely lead to hypertension and the risk of a cardiac.
I am, of course, talking about the all pervading stench of Doritos. How can one small packet release enough odour to fill a whole train carriage in the time it takes the consumer to eat just one of the flourescent corn squares?
And why does the smell linger so long on the eater's breath that even hours after they have eaten this vile snack the whiff can still make polite conversationists recoil?
Even when the chips have been eaten and the packet sensibly placed in a rubbish bin, still the all pervading pong manages to smother all the other items of rotting food and spread out into the surrounding atmosphere.
My god, if Saddam had had a box of Doritos ready to be deployed in 45 minutes the allies would never have got past the border. These things are grossly offensive to any sane person. They need to be banned from consumption in public places, or make that anywhere a human being may possibly visit in the next twenty five years.