Speaking at the Hay Literary Festival, Hay on Wye, uberbloke Jeremy Clarkson hinted that he might or might not have driven a Bugatti sports car at 186 mph on the Limehouse Link, a stretch of urban motorway in inner London.

Road safety campaigners were on his case at once, claiming he had behaved in a criminally irresponsible manner and calling for his arrest and ritual disembowellment.

What would they have said if Jeremy had mentioned he was flossing his teeth at the time?