Having managed to miss most of the latest series of Britainís got talent, a feat that required considerable time management skills, although I did look up when the girls with electric violins were on, I was quite surprised to read that Simon Cashcowell has put a variety show featuring the finalists on the road.

How many dodgy dog acts and even dodgier dance acts does he think audiences can cope with before mental stress drives them into a suicidal depression.

The thing about variety is it lacks variety, which is why it was killed by television. Jugglers, acrobatic dancers, dancing dog acts, chainsaw juggling yodellers and other one trick ponies are fine in holiday venues they are novelty acts. When you have seen them once thatís it. And a spot on television means everybody has seen them once in that one appearance.

So while the auditions are great in a Roman Circus sense, a successful run in the show does no favours for a speciality act. Good luck to them all, I wish them well, but the phrase ďfamous for fifteen minutes does come to mind.

Shame on Simon Cowell then, his manipulative and exploitative show trades on the dreams of the mad, the bad, the sad and the deeply delusional but untalented.