For years I’ve wanted to punch Uri. Geller right in his stupid face. You have as well, be honest. The guy is so cheesy, so showbiz with his magic he could be considered a Master of The Kraft.

Now I’m not one of those boy-scientist types who throws a hissy fit at the mention of Geller’s name, he just doesn’t impress me with his spoon bending and alleged psychic powers. I don’t give a flying fuck whether he uses cheap conjuring tricks or really has special abilities given to him when he was abducted by aliens as a child. His whole schtick is end-of-the-pier-show. Anyone can bend spoons, I can bend spoons and it doesn’t take me five minutes either. Two seconds, straight spoon – whap – bent spoon; simple as that.

So what was all the bullshit about? Well that’s how I felt about spoon bending entertainers ‘til now. Last night while watching America’s got (tes, television has gone to summer schedules) I saw spoon bending redefined. Star of the show for me, for purposes of this blog post at least, was a guy who bent spoons.

So why the change of heart you might well ask?

Well this guy bent spoons between the cheeks of his arse. Now that really impressed me. He has this sort of leotard on with a thong back, he slides the spoon through the strap of the thong, a quick clench and the spoon is bent double. None of that pratting about rubbing between thumb and forfinger.

Uri Geller my arse.

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