The process is under way to select a new poet laurate to replace the retiring Andrew Motion. One of the names in the frame is Wendy Cope though the very popular Wendy has said she is not interested. My name as not been out forward so far.

As The Church of England blunders towards a Schism here is one of the reasons why I'm not being pushed as poet laureate.

In America there are so many religious dominations that schisms are ten - a – penny. In Europe however people tend to stick with the four main congregations, Catholic, Lutheran, Orthodox and Anglican. Thus a schism only comes along once every few generations. Therefore the current split over the ordination of gay men and women in the Anglican Church is something to treasure. People living through it are never likely to see another schism in their lifetime. This piece of whimsical wordsmithery commemorates in rhyme the Schism of 2008.

There is bound to be a schism
whenever fundamentalism
confronts progressive thinking in the church.
The problem with Theism
when it passes through the prism
of reason is it splits, distorts the object of the search.

When first the gentle Arians
found their views at variance
with the more aggressive Church of Rome
bones were broken blood was shed.
They did not pray but fought instead,
for the right to claim the Christian message as their own.

A child conceived from Divine Jizzum
by a Virgin? Tritheism?
That issue split split Orthodox from Catholic creed.
The centuries later Lutherism
questioned if the Christ was risen
or should communicants eat unleavened bread.

The Protestant condemnation
of transubstantiation
led Neitsche to conclude that God was dead
but the Evanelical revival
gave the established church a rival.
Through internicine conflict faith was saved.

Now the Anglican communion
falls into disunion.
The split? Can gays and women serve The Lord?
And they’re about to have a schism,
it’s a Christian tradition.
Lust for power screams out louder than the word.

More humour every day from Boggart Blog

Don't kill the muse