Synchronised diving must be the weirdest Olympic sport ever. As I was watching disinterestedly this morning a couple of divers jumped off the board at the same instant, did all the twists and somersaults in perfect unison and hit the water together.

“The kids done good, fair play to them,” I was thinking when the commentator started babbling on about how they had messed up by making a splash as they hit the water. WHAT? Now I admit to knowing nothing about swimming, diving and stuff, that’s fatsally’s area, but in my experience, and you can call me old fashioned if you like, when a human being sized object is thrown into water it tends to make a splash. It’s the laws of physics and stuff.

So what is the point of this sport? If competitors are not supposed to make a splash it would, would it not, make more sense if they were to dive into custard or mashed potatoes or onto concrete.

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