A desperate day for me today as the paper did not arrive so I had no news feed. Things usually go haywire with our newsagent during Ramadan but they’re good the rest of the year so we live with it.

On top of that mishap, last night was truly dire for television apart from Mock The Week and I can’t keep blatantly nicking their jokes.

In the end I found myself watching Belle du Jour, the awful series about a high class hooker starring the high class looker Billie Piper. Alas not even Billie’s prancing around in exotic lingerie can save this show from death by bad scriptwriting.

In the opening episode of this second series Belle had a new client, the “Leader of the Liberal Democrats,” who does not do sex but pays her big wedges of money to urinate on him.

Unfortunately Belle do Jour is only fiction. If it had been real that could have been the biggest piss and tell story the tabloids ever ran.

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