Who would have thought just three short weeks ago when Sarah Palin became John McCain’s surprise choice of running mate that we were witness to the start of the most spectacular political success story since Genghis Khan.
Evidence is emerging from the VeePeeNominee’s hacked e-mails that her ascent from Pit-bull kissing Moose wrestling small town mayor to being Governor of Alaska and a heartbeat away from The White House is the result of a carefully prepared and executed masterplan.
The latest details to emerge from “private” e-mails reveal that Governor Palin had a sub bed installed in the Gubernatorial mansion up in the chilly chilly land of the Caribou.
Sunbeds are known to be a likely cause of skin cancer if not used carefully. Palin’s boss John McCain as been quite seriously ill with skin cancer. OK you all think you know where this post is going; stick with me I may yet surprise you.
Rumours have been rife for several months that the Republicans plan to spring an “October Surprise” that will totally derail Barak Obama and leave the Democratic Party no time to reorganise. What the Boggart Blog political team now suspect is that Sarah Palin has her own “November Surprise” once she and McCain have been elected.
Our inside informant tells us the plan will be to invite Johnny Mac. up to Alaska for a celebratory weekend of prayers and Moose shooting (you can’t really call it hunting, moose are even more short sighted than John McCain) then while the President elect is standing around dazzled by snow, blinking myopically and doing his renowned impression of Mr. Magoo the three principal males of the Palin family, Tank, Lard and Bubba will throw a tarp over the old guy and bundle him into a pickup truck.
Later back at the mansion little Johnny will find himself strapped to the gubernatorial de-luxe sunbed. The room will reverberate with manic laughter as a gloved hand reaches out and turns the UV intensity up to eleven (they normally only go up to ten but this one is customised to enable references to iconic comedy films.)
Poor Magoo, I mean McCain will quickly feel his skin become cancerous and expire with the image of Palin grinning like a Pit Bull stamped on his mind. Thus in January it will be Sarah Palin who steps up to the podium to receive the Presidential seal.
But who could be behind such a fiendish plot. Well now here comes the twist.
While this whole Presidential farrago has been playing out another thread was being spun, quietly, out of the public eye. A couple of years ago those with good memories may recall, the world’s two richest men, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett pledged huge sums to a charitable foundation they had set up. It was never really clear what this charity aimed to do though vague promises about helping the poor were made. Around the same time a Californian Aeronautics engineer revealed a design for an inflatable plastic space station which could orbit the earth provinding a safe, sustainable environment for thousands of people.
Mrs. Palin and Mr Bigelow are clearly part of a much bigger conspiracy to launch a fleet of space station on which the mega rich elite can buy a safe haven while a crazed fundamentalist U.S. President and a stereotypical bond villain who operates from a cave complex in The Hindu Kush kick off WWIII, turning the earth and all its pollution, failed finance houses and unsupportable population into a cinder.
Remember as you stick brown paper on your windows and hunker down under the table, following government advice to a letter in preparation for the first missile strike, you read it here first.
