Have you been worried by lurid tales in the tabloid news sheets about the rise of right wing extremists the BNP, scared perhaps that the backlash against politically correct thinking will enable the Nationalists, led by sloganeering rabble rousers, to sally forth from northern strongholds like Leeds, Halifax and Burnley, chanting “Can we hate it? Yes we can!” and process round the nation closing all day centres for black Irish lesbian one legged dwarf single parents in their wake. Will they be able to seize political power in industrial towns and impose “whites only” recruitment policies on the municipal Brass Band and Pigeon Fanciers club?

Fear not, The Chief Smurf, Hazel Blears, has sworn to stand her ground against the rise of extremism.

“It is not enough to shout NAZI ” said the local government minister.

She’s right too. One syllable insults are ineffective, we must learn to shout “shame on you all, you incorrigibly authoritarian, totalitarian Nazi bastards.” Big words confuse the average BNP members.

Hazel Blears raises a serious issue though. For a long time Labour has traded on its reputation as the friend of the working classes in Parliament while actually being the most middle class of all the main parties. Labour are not just middle class they are patronisingly, condescendingly middle class. how can people who eat polenta ever be friends of those reared on pie and peas. How can people who think “black pudding” is a racist insult ever open a dialogue with a group who think “full Greek” is a doner kebab topped with Domatosaltsa.

“The working class feel abandoned, for too long they have been given the impression that politicians and people in the media live on a different planet,” said Miss Blears to a Boggart Blog reporter who had travelled to her lovely home in the Andromeda Constellation to interview her.

Hazel Blears - How To Beat The BNP