Exploding Gravy A Must For Christmas Dinner

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Exploding Gravy A Must For Christmas Dinner

by ianrthorpe @ 2008-12-22 – 18:20:38

Among the many dangers that face us this Chrismas, the threat of bankruptcy, homelessness and £million gas bills all pale into insignificance beside the threat families minister Ed Balls has been warning of. Exploding gravy will put many families at risk this Chrismas said this apparatchik of The Nanny State.

EXPLODING GRAVY. Wow, when fatsally and I were young our Mum never served exploding gravy at Christmas Dinner. What a deprived childhood we had.

As soon as word gets out every self respecting child in Britain will demand exploding gravy with their Chrismas Dinner. Think what fun the Boxing Day fart lighting games will be.

Sadly Mr. Balls has not yet taken full page ads in daily papers to distribute the recipe for exploding gravy. Bloody government killjoys.

We want exploding gravy and we want it now!

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19 Comments to Exploding Gravy A Must For Christmas Dinner

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- rithompson
- http://www.flickr.com/photos/rithompson/
- 2008-12-22 @ 18:29:35
How many chilli peppers and bottles of jerk sauce do we need to make it explode?
- - ianrthorpe
  - 2008-12-22 @ 19:53:21
  No Ros, that will just make your bottom explode, it's something to do with gravy browning and cornflour being similar to what Al Qaeda use for roadside bombs.
  (That's not quite right, I don't want to be responsible for somebody's dinner exploding)
  - - rithompson
    - http://www.flickr.com/photos/rithompson/
    - 2008-12-22 @ 20:09:37
    Ooh, exploding farts!
    - - ianrthorpe
      - 2008-12-22 @ 20:20:25
      Yeah, methane is volatile stuff.
      - MichaelStMark ^Pro
        
        2008-12-22 @ 20:36:43
        
        Yep, seems the UK Xmas household is a veritable death trap, Ian... besides yon terrible gravy dangers there's apparently c. 800 punters injured by the in-house Christmas tree, 6000 housewives admit themselves to A % E due to knife wounds inflicted during the hacksawing of the turkey ( we assume the birds themselves weren't alive enough to be acting in self-defence there )
        .. and perhaps grossest of all, 3,000 tons of turkey fat poured down sinks in the greater London municipal drain catchment area, threatening to clog up the network on Xmas day.
        
        Oh joy !
        
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        ianrthorpe
        
        2008-12-22 @ 21:20:42
        
        I don't suppose these lethal Christmas trees involved in "Christmas Tree related incidents" would be anything to do with the Upside Down Christmas Trees we featured in our recent post The Most Useless Christmas Present Of The Year would they???
        
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- tylluanpenry
- 2008-12-22 @ 18:49:10
Years ago, people had enormous families, not to mention plenty of dogs, cats and birds filling the house and never once have I come across a family tradition that the gravy exploded.

Occasionally light bulbs exploded, and once I remember accidentally leaving my wellies in the hearth to dry out and they caught fire but apart from that.... which planet do you suppose Mr Balls comes from? And will he ever return?
- - ianrthorpe
  - 2008-12-22 @ 19:54:51
  Just shows you what kind of crap they put in food these days.
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- loiswakeman
- http://lois.co.uk
- 2008-12-22 @ 18:52:43
And don't forget cavitating custard. My Pa was a chemist with an interest in explosions, and he often gave us dire warnings about microwaving the stuff!
- - ianrthorpe
  - 2008-12-22 @ 19:57:22
  Have you ever walked on custard. You can apparently.
  
  I think next years Strictly Come Dancing should feature a round where they have to do a Cakewalk on a tank filled with custard.
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- kendersrule ^Pro
- 2008-12-22 @ 18:56:13
I once managed exploding potaotes... but it was a new microwave
- - ianrthorpe
  - 2008-12-22 @ 20:02:10
  Exploding potatoes are a good place to start for beginners. Progress through eggs and chestnuts until you finally feel confident with microwaving a Ginsters pasty - these can reach critical mass and set off a nuclear reaction.
  - - kendersrule ^Pro
    - 2008-12-22 @ 20:09:14
    hmm, have managed controlled decompression of eggs, but don't think I'd go to exploding ones...
    chestnuts?!
    Pah! Easy! Why only last winter I exploded two by accident on my mum's fire! Def need to remember to slit them properly
    - - ianrthorpe
      - 2008-12-22 @ 20:18:50
      You're well on the way to your first exploding Ginsters Pasty them.
      - kendersrule ^Pro
        
        2008-12-22 @ 20:21:18
        
        I love sausage rolls and pasties, however I'm not supposed to have wheat. *sigh*
        And before I found this out I'd zapped plenty of sauage rolls without incident, I just don't have the knack
        
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        ianrthorpe
        
        2008-12-22 @ 20:29:29
        
        Sausage rolls would be no good.
        
        Sausages however, particularly the old fashioned ones with thick chewy skins made out of intestines a really destructive. Ther're not called bangers for nothing.
        
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        kendersrule ^Pro
        
        2008-12-22 @ 20:47:25
        
        hee hee! they are indeed! *whistles innocently*
        
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- fatsally
- 2008-12-22 @ 19:07:06
I suppose given the average family's cooking skills, forgetting to remove the lid on the gravy container before you put it in the microwave for 45 seconds could make the pot explode, but I'm sure the gravy wouldn't.
- - ianrthorpe
  - 2008-12-22 @ 20:09:05
  Mmm, but I thought to inquire too deeply into the story behind the headline might destroy the humourous potential.
  
  Remember our editorial policy, "we never sacrifice a laugh for the sake of the truth."
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