Valentine’s Day is upon us once again, the one time of year a man can get away with giving his wife or girlfriend as a gift the kind of lingerie he likes to see her in. A red satin basque to be worn with sheer, seamed stockings is fine, a selection of satin thongs in vibrant colours and a black lace peephole bra is acceptable, a second skin latex jump suit with open crotch and a built in gimp mask…… maybe not.

The purpose of a man’s Valentine’s Day gift to the lady in his life you see Dear Reader is not to show that he loves her, birthdays and Christmas are for that, but to affirm that he still fancies her. A woman needs to be reminded all year round she is loved but on this one day a year she wants to know she is a fanciable fun bunny.

Valentine’s Day is a harmless morsel of self indulgence you may think. Don’t be too sure. The Politically Correct Thought Police are aware of what is going on. Reinforcement of gender stereotypes, institutionalised sexism, the marginalisation of the not conventionally attractive. And worst of all the risk. The great unacceptable risk that people are having fun. It must all be stamped out, as far as the Politically Correct Thought Police (PCTP for short) are concerned Valentine’s Day must not be a self esteem sapping orgy of consumerism, it must not be about people loving each other, it should be about loving The Planet.

Forget the flimsy fripperies, dump the handmade chocolates (chocolates will be dumped in a manner of speaking anyway so stick with a handful of nuts, a museli bar or some dried figs as food treats suggest the PCTP) banish the bouquet of hothouse grown flowers, they have an enormous carbon footprint. What “right on” women want for Valentine’s Day this year we are told is an environmentally friendly gift.

Who are these “right – on” women you might well ask. Well we’re mentioning no names but they would have cropped hair, lots of tattoos, mostly of endangered animals and environmentalist slogans and they are not natural thong wearers as their version of a “Brazilian” looks like the Matto Grosso. Their favourite outfit will not be a haute couture evening dress from Versace but a suit of combat fatigues from Slinger'’ Army Stores.

Such people were put in the world for the twin purposes of taking themselves too seriously and making sure nobody else is having fun. The top ethical gift they are promoting this year is a range of ethical big knickers made of 100% natural hemp and looking for all the world like something Pat butcher might wear to go shoplifting.

Boys, Boggart Blog warns you, ignore the dark forces of Politically Correct Thinking. Such a gift could only ensure a year of enforced celibacy for you. On Valentine’s Day you partner does not want to learn that you love the planet more than you love her.

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This post, Ethical Knickers For A Valentine has been syndicaed via Gather.com and Authorsden.

If you'rr loking for a laugh try these Valentine's Day Limericks at Authorsden.
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In these hard-up times ordering in a takeaway or taking a lady to a BYO bottle cut price restaurant is a path along which many dangers lurk too as Romancing On The Cheap by Keren Salmanshon shows.