The papers are full of advice on how to survive the recession these days. Professional tightwads have never had it so good. Even television companies are hiring “money experts” show us how to be miserable, miserly bastards like them and offer tips on how to live a life devoid of pleasure without spending any money at all.
The give us tips like “Just hang around the kebab and burger van, so many drunken people throw away half eaten meals a thrifty person can dine well for free every day; or, With the cost of fuel so high why waste money on running your heating, just set fire to the house next door.
Good advice, all of it.
We were surprised though to see an item in the Domestic Finances column of one of the more responsible newspapers advising readers it is a very bad idea to stuff all their money in the mattress just to stop the bank losing it all in an online poker game. Somebody could break into your house and steal your savings. Worse, the people next door could fall on hard times and have to set fire to your house to keep warm.
Rather than taking such risks, the papers finance experts say, it would be better to move your wedge to a high interest savings account run by the Bank Of Nigeria.
Hang on? The Bank Of Nigeria, Aren’t they the organisation whose former chief executive keeps e-mailing me asking for my bank details so he can launder several million pounds through my account because his government plans to confiscate all his wealth?
The Bank Of Nigeria are not the kind of people I would trust with my hard earned. Have they never heard of offshore tax shelters?
Are the social problems caused by the recession (depression,slump?) being exacerbated by the addiction of men (for men read middle class white men) to uccess. Are men not coping because they built their entire lives on the expectation of continued success? Psychotherapist Helen Smith in Men Who Lose Their Jobs Are Addicted To Success, suggests that is the case. It is a warped, one sided view of the situation but Helen is a black American feiminist. To hope for objectivity from her would be asking too much.
The proposed White Horse of Ebbsfleet sculpture was presented earlier this week as a symbol of hope, but does it represent the white horse of deliverance or is it the Pale Horse of the Apocalypse? Depends how you view the economic outlook.
Is the recession beig made worse because Tony Blair wanted to stitch up Gordon Brown a few years ago. Daniel Finkelstein at Times Online thinks so.
Are We Becoming A Nation Of Cat Swingers? As new build houses in Britain get smaller how can we tell if the house or apartment we are thinking of buying has room to swing the proverbial cat?
More humour every day from Boggart Blog