If you could not make it to the opening of the new Harry Potter film, could not afford tickets or simply couldn't be arsed there is no need to miss out altogether, you can read the adventures of Boggart Blog's alternative boy wizard in the seven part sage Gary Trotter and the Portal Of Pleasure as it follows the boy wizard, his friends Ron Beesley and the orchidaceous Briony and the rest of the gang at Swinmemoles Academy for Young Wizards as they make the hazardous transition from childish spells and pointed hats to a far more grown up kind of magic.

Presented in seven short and easy to read instalments FGAry Trooter And The Portal Of Pleasure packs many more laughs to the page than J.K. Rowling's stuff. Follow the links below to reasd each chapter:

Part 1 Gary Trotter and his Magic Wand Gary wishes for a magic wand and finds he had one all the time.

Part 2 : The Chamber Of Privacy Garry's lack of experience at controlling the Magic Wand he found after his encounter with Slightly Legless Len leads to a problem for him. Fortunately the Head, Rebus Hubmlebore is sympathetic and soon finds a solution.

Part 3 : The Forest Of Mystery Helped by a zealous but stupid elf Garry finds a way to spy on his classmate Briony when he is in the girls shower. What he sees and what he learns from books stolen when he raided an Adult Buggle bookshop with the help of his cloak on inviibility only leave him more confused.

Part 4 : The Delta Of Venus Garry and had best friend Don hae fallen out over Harry's private bedroom. Anxious to repair the rift Harry shares a magic secret with Don. Don is not as impressed as his friend had hoped however.

Part 5 : Lavender and Dragonmusk Deranged by lust Garry starts to take insane risks to be close to the object of his desire and finds he does not mind being close to classmate Briony either. His cloak of invisibility helps him achieve this aim but is he heading for trouble?

Part 6 : Garry Trotter and The Portal Of Pleasure Garry's wild adventures under The Cloak Of Invisibility have landed him in a lot of trouble. Briony too risks expulsion from the school. Lust is the strongest of emotions though and they cannot resist sneaking away under the cloak of invisibility to be together. Little do they know their love affair will change their lives.

Part 7 : Garry Trotter and The Orders of The Penis: The poignant climax (oops, pardon!) to our tale as the lovers Garry and Briony find reality is much more magical than childish fantasies of wizards and spells.

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