All too often in the past when we have reported on the activities of scientists who labour on behalf of Nanny State and her cohorts Big Pharma and Big Food it has been to warn you of their latest wild adventure in spreading fear and panic by warning us of the dangers of perfectly harmless and agreeable activities. Nanny sternly wags her finger in front of our faces why her humpa-lumpas produce bogus statistics (remember, all government statistics are bogus,) to show us how, were we to mend our irresponsible ways, we could all live pleasureless and blameless lives for ever and ever.
What do they warn us of? Here are a few examples to remind you.
We must not eat tasty food as it contains salt and fat which if eaten in excess can kills us and which even taken in moderation can set us on the slippery slope to addiction and depravity.
Nanny State has Her CAke And Eats It.
We must not drink booze as even a small sip of weak beer will rot your liver, make you old before your time, addle your brains and lead to your laddering your stockings, smudging your eye makeup and being gang raped by Premiership footballers even if you are a fifty year old bloke who like a couple of cans at home of an evening.
We must not eat red meat, it clogs up our arteries and gives us cancer.
We must not drink strong coffee as it causes a different sort of cancer, destroys our ability to concentrate and stains teeth.
We must not eat snacks, chocolate and sweeties as they make us obese which puts an unfair burden on the Health Service and increases carbon emissions because cars and buses laden with overweight people use more fuel.
Lastly of course we must never do anything that is fun. All such activities are fraught with danger, from falling off our horse or bike to breaking a leg while kicking a ball, falling over when drunk, being hit on the head by our own surfboard, catching a social disease or being blown up by terrorists.
And as we try to take on board this information, so much of which is contradicted by our experience we are distracted by Nannyís accusing finger wagging sternly in front of our faces.
The world is truly a place to inspire fear and panic in people who do not listen to Nanny State. She cares.
At last we are getting some scientists of our side. In recent weeks we scientific studies have shown that drinking wine reduces risk of heart disease, having sex is a good cardio-respiratory exercise, strong coffee retards the progress of Alzheimerís disease, the low fat spread recommended instead of butter by the food science industry is actually nearer to arterial plaque than anything you will ever encounter in nature, red meat is not unhealthy unless it is pumped full of chemicals developed by food scientists and a little of what you fancy does you good.
And now a group of Spanish Scientists have proved that drinking beer prevents brittle bone disease.
Put all these together and it become clear that rather than listening to Nannyís whining voice and being intimidated by her wagging finger, if we ignore these warnings to live lives of irresponsible hedonism we might get lucky and enjoy a long, healthy life. but at least we will enjoy life.
Boris and the Fizzy Drink Fascists
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