Could You Hug A Tory asks a feature in today’s Guardian in which several typical Guardian writers describe their feelings of fear and loathing when, purely in the interests of science of course, they hugged prominent members of the Conservative Party.

In another feature the excellent Lucy Mangan describes what it is like to be a typical labour voting, politically correct thinking Guardian writer and be married to a Conservative. And yet she loves her True Blue hubby. Apart from proving that we cannot control who we fall in lust with this is a very amusing article. Our Guide To The Conservative Psyche

What I find disturbing about all this is the American belief that we must hate all those who differ from us politically and only communicate with them by shouting “fascist” across an ever widening divide as they shout back “limp wristed namby pamby diorreah dollop.” When I was politically active as a member and Council candidate in the Liberal Party it was possible to have a drink and trade comical canvassing tales with members of the Labour and Conservative parties. Labour were a bit more difficult, aside from their authoritarian tendencies they were simply unable to understand how people could possibly hold a different opinion to theirs but apart from that and being bar shy they could be OK.

Things have changed a lot since then. Margaret Thatcher must take much of the blame; she made it immoral if not quite a criminal offence not to hate anyone less wealthy than oneself and as already remarked on we have also imported a lot of bad habits from America. And where has all this blinkered intolerance got us? Look at the politicians we have now on all sides. Tossers to a man (or woman.)

The problem is people take it all too seriously. For Heaven’s sake it’s only politics.

The interesting thing about Lucy Mangan’s article though is the description of the way a Labour and a Conservative supporter who share a bed react to each other when not in bed. It raises another question though, why should it seem strange that a conservative and a socialist should have a sexual relationship? I know New Labour types like to think of themselves as “the liberal left” but there is nothing liberal about them, there is a more illiberal philosophy than those of religious control freak cults so I want to make it clear they are nothing to do with the political philosophy I follow.

Speaking personally, though I was a Liberal throughout the years I was running around with my knob out I have always found it more fun to sleep with Conservatives or simply disinteresteds than with women who had a commitment to Labour or Liberal politics. Why should that be? I think the answer is simple. Conservatism is about self – reliance, taking responsibility for our own problems. The further to the left people are the more they are influenced by that touchy – feely, quasi – hippy psychobabble. Thus with a Conservative supporting female a shag is a shag, foreplay is a bonus; live for the moment is their attitude.

Left inclined potential lovers on the other hand are altogether more complex. You buy the dinner with fine wine, do all the small talk, eye contact, say their name a lot i.e. I like your hair Denise, Lovely dress Denise, can I shag you Denise? (a nod to Paul Calf there) and with a Conservative you are home and dry – well hopefully not dry but you know what I mean. If your date is a Labour supporter though, to get from an agreement to do it to actually getting down to doing it us lads have to be prepared to endure two hours of angst and self analysis. Am I too intense? Am I too frivolous? Did I make the right carer choice? Do people think I’m a slapper?

And though the man wants to say “Look, this is our first date, I’m looking for uncomplicated sex,” should he fail to give the required answer to any of these questions his chance of a bunk up evaporates like meths on a hotplate.

Even then the ordeal is not over. There is another two hours of angst and self analysis about was she good in bed, is she frigid because she doesn't give BJs, are her tits too big / too small blah blah blah. And all the time you want to roll over and gt to sleep.

And so the association of socialism with that kind of earache is why I will remain a Liberal though Labour supporters are ever more likely to get angry because I do not accept their world view as the only one that makes sense. My article should offer an insight into the reasons why Labour always come to power on a wave of hope and leave on a Tsunami of despair.

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The Conservatives could still lose the election of course, especially if Dave is serious about all women shortlists. Chasing the politically correct vote will only drive people to UKIP.

Government By Fear And Panic
Compulsory Sex Education