Boggartblog

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. The Internet has become a stupi, pointless medium, mostly thanks to Google who always intended to turn it into a giant, global shopping mall, and the other companies that constantly try to push "targeted" ads in our faces and mine our private data in order to target these ads at us. That alone would be annoying enough but their targeting software is crap. I never see ads plugging anything I'm remotely interested in on my screen.Microsoft too are guilty.

Their not fit for purpose operating systems allow advertisers and other cybercrooks to run scripts on our computers. Nobody should be able to run a program on my computer unless I ask for it. And I have looked at what some of these scripts do. Nobody in their right mind would ever ask for this crap.

What pissed me off today was I got a full screen ad from a bunch of arseholes called WOWCHER Deal Of The Day. I did not care what they were selling, I was not going to buy anyway. Why would I want to walk into a restaurant waving a half price voucher. Do I want my date to think I'm a cheapskate and a tosser. That's not going to get you anywhere is it. My favoured approach of letting the lady say, "It's terribly expensive" then responding by saying "If you have to ask the price you can't affordb it," works much better.

Anyway WOWCHER locked my machine by trying to run a script so big it grabbed all the CPU. So I had to restart the PC. I would not have looked at their ad even if it had run properly, but the lack of respect for my right to choose what I look at just really annoyed me.

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The silliest controversy of the past six millennia, the argument over same sex marriage in religious premises, gets sillier. After wearing out the "people should have an equal right to express their love for each other meme (easily hit for six when you reminds the lefties supporting this cause that not so long ago they were equally vehemently arguing that people did not need a bit of paper to express their love for each other) the waily - ganshy - teethy brigade started citing a pseudo - science report that claims homosexual beaviour is found in 1500 species of animals. Animals do not marry so what this has to do with same sex mariage we are not permitted to know.

1500 species out of more than a million is hardly a deal clencher and the case gets even weaker when we understand that the report defines homosexual behaviour as mutual grooming, sharing food and hanging out together. In human terms this would class men going for a couple of beers with a mate as homosexual behaviour. The heterosexual equivalent would be saying you had had sex with a woman because you held hands with her.

Obviously holding hands, while nice, is nothing like having sex and equally subjective interpretations are placed on cetrain kinds of animal behaviour.

I recently had shitloads of lefty hate thrown at me on a left wing web site for suggesting it is all a question of consciousness. You always know when you've landed a scoring punch on the intellectually bankrupt lefties because the hate starts flowing. And then they can't stop it.

Animals are not conscious in the way we are, their behaviour is instinctual therefore if they don't know that what they are doing is homosexual they can't be homosexual. Do animals go in for deviant sexual behaviour like S & M, bondage, cross - dressing, covering each others' wedding tackle in chocolate or fetishism? I think not.

An example is the www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7Z5k1_LgkE ">shoe humping tortoie featured on The Graham Norton show (narrated by David Attenborough). Did the tortoise know it was shagging a shoe? It's expressions suggest it thought it had pulled a real reptillian hottie. Therefore it is not a shoe fetishist as a human might be but simply a confused crustacean.

And it is bonking a ladies shoe. So does this prove shoe fetishists shpould be allowed to marry shoes?

Thus the same sex marriage lobby's animal argument is as demolished. All they have left is the equal rights argument. But religious marriage has never been a right for anyone and the left are supposed to be against privileged elites that have rights not extended to the rest of us.

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Simon Hope is working-class hero. Who says? Well, he does for a start. Not that Simon is working class himself He is one of the exclusively middle class denizens of the UK Uncut movement which protests against the goverrnment's austerity programme and policy of cuts to public spending, although no cuts have actually been made yet though the rate of increase in public spending has been slowed.

UK Uncut are people who have decided to carry fighting the class wars of the past on behalf of the "poor" who cannot be arsed fighting any more or have decided that if being better off involves piling up a mountain of personal debt and possibly having you kids end up like members of UK Uncut maybe affluence is not all it is cracked up to be. Last Saturday Simon Hope decided it would be a fun day out for his four-year-old daughter if he took her on a protest outside Nick Clegg’s house. Yes, Simon. We can see that every 4 year old's idea of fun is to go on a political protest, wave placards, chant Trotskyite mantras and sing revolutionary songs. And it might be a formative experience for the child. Barack Obama wrote in his book Dreams From My Father that he clearly remembers Pappy Bammy taking his beloved son to a civil right protest that took place several months before Obama could have been conceived. These protests are experiences that make a powerful impression on the young.

Simon and his daughter had about 300 of their friends with them from the UK Uncut protest movement. All were exactly as self righteous and pompous as Simon, all were equally sure they were serving the interests of the great mass of people who "have no voice" although they can shout loudly enough when their team is winning a football match.

The protest was a bit pointless as Nick Clegg and his family were not at home. UK Uncut weren’t just protesting of course, they were having a “family-friendly street party”. It involved music (of a political nature), poetry (of a political nature), comedy (of a political nature), games (spot the Tory, pin the tail on the class traitor, blind person's benefit claim), and the most essential component of all street parties, a people’s assembly to discuss the alternatives to austerity.

Family friendly though? Does family friendly fun require the attendance of scores of plain-clothed or uniformed (and possibly armed) police officers? Well better that the cops were helping friendly families to have fun at a street party than sitting around drinking tea down the sstation. I mean it's not as if there are and murderers, rapists, robbers, muggers or fraudsters out there who need to be banged up is it?

Of course, everything UK Uncut was did was entirely legal, after all many of them are sons and daughters of lefty lawyers. Or it would be legal if you ignore the blockading of a quiet, suburban street without obtaining permission from the council or the consent of residents. The organisers of the UK Uncut protest have a bizarre idea of what is family fun is if their think the residents of the street found it fun to be blockaded into their homes.

The protestors' press release actually describes the event as a “secret plan” (a secret plan announced in a press release? What kind of secret is that? A caring, sharing secret I suppose.). For another, the plan involved a "clandestine (sic) rendezvous at 11.30am, in which “four groups of hundreds of people would come from different meeting points across London, before converging on Waterloo”.

Now call me oldfashioned if you like possums, but if you have a street party it's a good idea to make sure local residents of the street you're holding the party in actually want the poetry, songs, games and comedy of a political nature, the people's assembly to discuss the alternatives to democracy, don’t you? To be sure they actually want all this joyous and carefree carousing, this modern Bacchanal going on in their street. I mean, to just descend on them mob handed from four different meeting points across London seems a bit inconsiderate.

Nick Clegg probably wouldn't have wanted it if he had been at home for the weekend, according to UK Uncut he’s the “architect of austerity” and so must be a Scrooge like figure who steals children's sweets and says Bah! Humbug! a lot. Even worse he’s “a millionaire and lives in a million-pound home” according to one protester. Oh well, he's obviously Belzebub, Cthuhu and Iggy The barebum Firebobby all rolled into one then.

But what about the other people who live in that street? Well screw them. goes the UK Uncut official line. They probably live in million-pound homes too, right? But at any rate these are family homes occupied by professionals so the man of the house is not likely to be hard is he? I mean it's not as if the street is in The North or Scotland. The wives are not likely to be as fearsome as Vera Duckworth either although thry might be intimidating in a Hyacinth Bucket sort of way. And the kids will not be chavs who might torch a protestors trousers for a laugh but well mannered, privately educated children who have been taught to despise themselves because they are not black and growing up in a famine stricken African village.

So the class warriors of UK Uncut can parade their moral certainties safe in knowledge that nobody will try to shift the debate to a language that would be understood in Salford, Toxteth, Byker or Easterhouse. It's easy to be hard when you know you'll only face softlads and mollycoddled children. Well done UK Uncut, you patronising middle class bastards.

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As the Home Office prepares tighter border controls for the borders agency to fail to implement in the event of the collapse of the European single currency (Euro) triggering a tidal wave of "political refugees" heading here when Greece goes bankrupt, to claim our overgenerous benefits find work, I thought we could learn from Australia's refugee policy. So here's a little ditty I knocked together a few years ago about how to deal with illegals. I hope nobody decides to tell me off for being politically incorrect. People ought to know by now I don't ever respond well to being told what I should think.

SEEKING ASYLUM

Once a Aussie coastguard patrolled Queenslan Beach
Came upon an A-rab lying by the sea.
And he sang as he dragged that person up to higher ground
"You've come a - seeking Asylum with me"

CHORUS
Seeking asylum, seeking asylum
You've come a seeking asylum with me
You're not a refugee, you a bloody terrorist,
Don't come a - seeking asylum with me

"Please" said the fellahin, "give me a little water,
I'm just a kurd who came here to be free."
"Kurdish my arshole, you're one of Osama's boys,
Don't come a - seeking asylum with me."

CHORUS

Seeking asylum, seeking asylum
You've come a seeking asylum with me
You're not a refugee, you're a bloody terrorist,
Don't come a - seeking asylum with me

Up jumped the Arab, tried to make a run for it.
If he reached the outback, there he would be free.
A passing Aborigine felled him with a boomerang,
"Don't come a - seeking asylum with me

CHORUS

Seeking asylum, seeking asylum
You've come a seeking asylum with me
You're not a refugee, you're a bloody terrorist,
Don't come a seeking asylum with me

Along came the coastguard, cuffed the little arab man,
aleft him tied to and coolibah tree,
saying "I'll be back soon, bringing reinforcements,
Don't come a seeking asylum with me."

CHORUS

Seeking asylum, seeking asylum
You've come a seeking asylum with me
You're not a refugee, you're a bloody terrorist,
Don't come a seeking asylum with me

Off went the coastguard, returning in a humvee,
with him rode troopers, one, two, three.
They shot down the refugee, said he was a terrorist,
Don't come a - seeking asylum with me.

CHORUS

Seeking asylum, seeking asylum
You've come a seeking asylum with me
You're not a refugee, you're a bloody terrorist,
Don't come a seeking a - sy - lum - with - me

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I used to think it was only politicians and scientists who had never set foot on planet Reality but alas it seems our athletics establishment are also members of an alien species.

One particular blabbermouth has outed the rest as a bunch of shape shifting lizard - men by citicising our leading female athelete, Olympic gold medal hope and general hottie Jessica Ennis for being overweight.

Jessica's heptathlon team-mate Louise Hazel was also told she was overweight. Take a look at the picture below. As you will see these highly toned young women do not have a gramme of spare flesh between them.

Jessica Ennis (left) and Lousie Hazel. Overweight? I think not.

Ennis's coach Tony Minichello claimed that an unnamed "high-ranking person" within UK Athletics had described the World No 2 as fat. Hazel called the behaviour "disgraceful" and said that she had also been subjected to criticism about her weight by people in positions of authority, including being told she was overweight.

The revelations come in the wake of a promising triathlete Hollie Avil announcing her retirement from the sport, having developed "an eating disorder" following comments about her weight from a coach.

Hazel, 26, said in relation to Minichiello’s claims: “I have experienced it first hand, also from people within the organisation that was supposed to be supporting us and I just think to a certain extent it is very disgraceful.

"When it comes to your weight there are certain ways to deal with it and there are certain ways not to deal with it. Obviously there are a lot of young girls out there who would take this on board as a real critique of their physical wellness and that has really detrimental effects."

She added: “It’s not a nice feeling to be called overweight or things like that”

“Some people think that you have to look like you are completely emaciated to actually be in good physical shape and that’s not the truth.”

At the root of the problem is the same kind of stupidity as underpins so much that is wrong in society, pseudo - science, in this case the kind of idiocy that tries to reduce human beings to mathematical equations. Health scientists and people who believe in the bullshit spouthed by such window lickers are still besotted with BMI (Body Mass Index), as a measure of heath. And these OCD stricken retards cannot understand that lean muscle weights much heavier by volume than body fat. A pound of lean muscle is the size of a bar of soap, a pound of fat is the size of a football according to independent sources. Everybody knows this except for the fuckwit scientists who can't get their feeble, mathematics obsessed, little minds round it at all.

Now athletes like Jessican and Louise work on burning off fat and packing as much power into their muscles as possible. This increases muscle density. So these slender, toned bodies will always show a distorted BMI reading. And that gives some twat who thinks he is taking the scientific approach an excuse to have a go at them even though in any athletic contest he could not compete.

Ironically, today a story broke about emergency services having to half demolish a house is south Wales to free the occupant, a nineteen year old girl who weighed in a 63 stone by the time her legs gave out and she could not get up off the bog. (full story)

WTF were all the scientists and do gooders doing while she balloned up to that weight, apart from trying to wreck the self confidence and careers of Olympic hopefuls who are a credit to our country.

It's time we told all these hangers on and useless fuckwits with their Mickey Mouse degrees in "sport science" from Usedtobeapoly University who have somehow got their snouts in the public trough to fuck the fucking fuck off and get proper jobs. Maccy Ds are always recruiting.

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OK, I know you're thinking this is one of those spoof stories about an Irish relative of a certain fascist dictator, but I'm not joking. Paddy Hitler was real, the nephew of a certain Adolf.

Alois Hitler, the half bother of the most famous member of the family ran a pub, The Poste House, in Liverpool until he was deported for being an undesirable alien. This was nothing to do with persecutiong jews, it all happened before little brother Adolf kicked off all that unpleasantness in Germany.

After Alois was booted out of England his Irish wife and their son William Patrick (Paddy or sometimes Scouse Shickelgruber) moved to London. When the little kerfuffle over Poland and lebensraum started Paddy, who presumably got fed up of telling people that yes, the name was the same but he was no relation moved to the USA and changed his name.

I was reminded of this story by an article seen today about the growing trend to hold ourselves responsible for the sins of our distan ancestors. Read it here

We know the Chinese government can be a bit weird and control freaky but this new law limiting the number of flies in a Chinese public toilet for men is bizarre even by their standards.

The first thing that came to my mind was what if the lads have been for a beer, had ten, and all want a wee. Are the authorities saying there should be an orderly queue. I know when me and my mastes were younger there would have been as rigby scrum. And several of us would have pressed the wall into service.

Now some might think that only allowing two flies in a toilet at once is a move aimed at stamping out cottaging but no, it turns out the Chinese government are talking about the winged, nasty kind of flies.

The new rules, set by the Beijing Municipal Commission of City Administration and Environment, also include standards on odour, demands for the number of pieces of discarded rubbish – no more than two – and that discarded items should not be left for more than half an hour. Well in Boggart Blog's humble opinion items discarded in a toilet should be flushed away immediatey but what do we know about Chinse customs and traditions. It might be a religious obligation for Chinese to return to the toilet to comtemplate their jobbies for several days.

It is not clear what penalties will be imposed on flies congegating in groups of three or more. Installing Venus fly trap plants or stinking corpse lilies or even a few domesticated lizards to eat them is a possibility as is installing movement sensors so that when more than two small, buzzing insecta are detected a cloud of insecticide is realease.

This will no doubt enrage the human rights for flies brigade, but sometimes we have to balance fairness with a commitment to hygiene.

Online critics of the move raised questions as to whether officials will visit lavatories to count flies or simply send in SWAT teams.

In February, a Chinese woman launched an "Occupy" movement – in the men's lavatory – in protest at waiting times.

Fed up with long queues for ladies, Li Tingting led 20 women into a men's public bathroom in the southern city of Guangzhou carrying colourful placards calling for equal waiting times for both sexes.

We hope the flies will not adopt a similar response.

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We hear a lot about high tech crime and espoecially internet fraud. So deeply have the internet become embedded in our way of life in fact that even the stupid criminals are migrating to cyberspace - sort of.

Two wannabe burglars in Calima, Colombia, decided to cut their criminal teeth by robbing an internet cafe. The two aspiring criminals robbed an Internet cafe at gunpoint recently and proceeded to make a clean getaway on a motorcycle, according to MSNBC.

It should have been the perfect crime had one of them not forgotten to log out of the Facebook account he'd checked at the cafe before attempting the robbery. As you might expect, the police got his address, drove to the criminal's home and took the suspect to jail.

The rise of Facebook seems to have coincided with an increased number of reports of really stupid criminals. In December 2011 Isiah Cutler was accused of robbing a supermarket in Pittsburgh with three other teenagers. Isiah and his mates might have got away with it too but he decided to posts pictures on his Facebook page showing the gang with some of the loot.

Last month, Michael Baker of Jenkins, Kentucky was arrested for siphoning fuel from a police car. Stupid enough in itself to warrant a Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award but he compunded his stupidity by posting a picture of himself committing the crime on Facebook.

No wonder stock market pundits are suggesting Mark Zuckerberg market the internet social network as an online cfrime fighting service to help recover from the disastrous stock market launch.

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Nick Clegg said in a speech today "We have to shake off the outdated, snobbish attitudes of class that are cramping our society and hobbling our economy"

He then announced that as part of its education reforms the government is to publish an annual "snapshot" of social mobility, by measuring information such as educational achievement, elegibility for free school meals and babies' birth weights. Quite what he means by including the last two I could not say unless of course he is complaining that it would be much easier for a bright kid on free school meals to move a couple of classes up the social ladder ladder than, say, his own or David Cameron's kids.

Clegg said being able to advance at work and in learning was a "vital ingredient" of the UK's economic success. "Wasted talent was a "crime" which hurt society," he added. What a pity then his Lib Dem colleagues will start wailing and gnashing their teeth at any suggestion that to restore the kind of social mobility we had in the 1950s and 60s we must bring back grammar schools and selective education.

(Note to lefties and bleeding hearts: Don't even think about commenting if you intend to tell me how unfair selection is. What is really unfair is the "progressive" ideal of keping kinds in education until they are 18 and then turning them out into the world semi literate, innumerate and lacking social skills but with heads full of multiculturalism and gener awareness whatever that is.)

Strangely Clegg did not mention the harm done to society when privately educated posh boys whose dear old Dads are stockprokers, bankers or wallpaper barons are keeping ordinary working class kids out of the top jobs.

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Police forces in England, Wales and Northern Ireland have admittted storing body parts and organs that are no longer required as evidence, a report published today reveals.

The samples were kept from murder investigations and suspicious deaths from as far back as 1960. A covert police unit led by Inspector Igor has been working on stitching the body parts together in an attempt to create a kind of copper guaranteed to disperse rioters and but the fear of God into terrorists.

Brains, heads, hearts, livers, lungs and human limbs were among the samples.

Commenting on the report from the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) Superintendent Karloff said body parts no longer needed as evidence could not be discusssed as what the police planned to do with them was nobody else's effing business.

The report was sparked following a series of complaints from criminals that they had been arrestede by Constables who stank of death warmed up and had very cold,clammy hands. Once man suspected of being a mugger complained "I didn't mean to nick the coppers fingers, they just fell off and landed in me pocket." Another told our reporter, "The copper wot arrested me said, "'Ello 'ello, 'ello, we've got you bang to rights my lad. Now we can either do this the hard way or I can just eat you."

A whistle blower inside the living dead squad told Boggart Blog, "We have mastered the bit about getting corpse mash ups to move realistically but still have alot of work to do on the decomposition problem.

Sergeant Fred Cadaver of the Police Federation Zombie branch said, "Now the Federation have accepted up as proper coppers we are hoping to get out lads the same pay and conditions as regular police officers. We accept times are tough but it is completely wrong to expect people to work for nothing jusdt because they are dead.

The real story: Body parts kept by police forces - BBC News

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People are asking why Facebook decided to go public. We can reveal it's because they could not understand the privacy settings either.

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Experience has shown Russian mathematician and blogger Mikhail Verbitsky that there's a price to be paid for being flippant about about peiople's beards. This is bad news for Boggart Blogas in the past we have blogged about beards of terror, beards of mass destruction and improvided explosice beards.

"So what's the deal with beards and copyright?" you might well ask. It is a typoical tale of Russian secret police, subversion, sensitivity and whiskers.

Verbitsky was on his way to a mathematics conference in Warsaw last week when he was seized by border guards at Sheremetyevo Airport and hustled into a detention cell. The grim faced guards took his passport and shuttled him from room to room without explanation, until at last one suggested that Verbitsky check the bailiff's website to see whether he was in debt.

Sure enough, there he was — a debtor, convicted in absentia for copyright infringement. As a consequence, he is barred from leaving Russia until he pays 300,000 rubles ($10,000) on charges he'd never heard of.

The charge, Verbitsky later learned, is fr the result of a July 2006 blog post in which he ridiculed an ultranationalist named Igor Pugach using an image and text from Pugach's website.

In the passage, Pugach, who refers to himself alternately as the "commander of the Order of Moscow," "his majesty" and the "prince of Tenkinsky," accused Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho of violating copyrights by wearing a goatee, a style of beard that Pugach claims is his intellectual property and a part of Russia's cultural heritage.

"The website is one of the funniest things I've ever seen on the Internet," Verbitsky said. "Pugach is suing everybody because of a beard. He believes he owns the idea of beards, essentially."

Pugach has accused Russian rock star Andrei Makarevich, former U.S. Ambassador to Russia John Beyrle and scores of others of copyright infringement. Verbitsky, who wears a full beard and not a goatee, said he was probably convicted for using the trademarked image of Pugach's bearded visage without permission, not merely for sporting a beard himself.

A Pugach associate said the wearing of a goateeny beard that could be shaved into a goatee, of even possession of equipment that could be used in the growing of a goatee (i.e. a chin and male hormones) constituted a violation of Pugach's copyright.

"The beard is an element of a trademark," said the man, who refused to identify himself but said he was not Pugach (well he would, wouldn't he?). "Nobody has the right to use it without permission."

He also denied Verbitsky's claim that Pugach, whose name means popgun, had sued scores of celebrities and lost every time.

"Pugach hasn't sued any actors or musicians," he said.
We wonder what the legal definition of a goatee is. I mean, OK Guy Fawkes had one but do those facial hair fashions that involve a small trisngle of hair under the lower lip and make the wearer look like he has a little minge under his mouth count as copyright infringement. And what about teenage boys with a bit of bumfluff on their chin like Shaggy in Scooby Doo?

I'm clean shaven so I don't care but beardies need legal clarification of this now.

The charge against Verbitsky has caused much ROTFLMAO in the blogosphere, where bloggers were quick to point out Pugach's extreme nationalist politics make a mockery of his global crusade to control the goatee with the help of his company, Boroda, or in English, Beard.

Verbitsky however isn't taking it lightly.

"It looks like a joke, but it's absolutely not a joke," he wrote on his blog after he was detained. "I need a lawyer, a professional lawyer."

Your Boggart Blog correspondent thinks Pugarch needs professional help too but not necessarily from a lawyer. Is pognophilia a recognised mental illness.

Read more: http://www.themoscowtimes.com/news/article/mathematician-slapped-with-travel-ban-at-request-of-bearded-prince/457074.html#ixzz1vL1KCYLR
The Moscow Times

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This is the best newes we've ever had in the ongoing battle against the bansturbators. In spite of all those panicmongering warnings from "scientists about how if we so mush as looked at a bottle of beer, even if it still had the top on, we would die instantly or at least bloat up into a 30 stone blob and develop liver disease.

Well it's not true. Some proper scientists in Scandinavia and Spain have published a report showing that it is not only wine that is good for us, up to three beers a day benefits health too. What's more beer is full of vitamins and essential nutrients and so counts as one of your five - a - day (that will piss off Nanny State's scientists )

Here's a little peep at the report:

Middle-aged and elderly people can now swap their daily glass of red wine with a cold beer without worrying about their health.
By: Jeppe Wojcik.Some studies indicate that wine drinkers are healthier than beer drinkers. However, this may well be connected to the healthy lifestyle of wine drinkers, rather than the health benefits of the alcohol itself. Beer drinkers have a greater tendency to smoke and to eat unhealthy food. (Photo: Colourbox)Beer makes you fat and unhealthy.

That’s a common conception of the golden drops of hoppy goodness.

However, new research indicates that this is not actually the case – good health just might be hidden at the bottom of a beer glass.

Contrary to the common view, beer has lots of health benefits that make it at least as healthy as wine when it’s consumed in small amounts. Moderate consumption can mean as much as three glasses a day, when paired with a healthy diet.

Along with its many other virtues, beer can help prevent cardio vascular disease, diabetes and ...

Why not read this great news for yourself at sciencenordic.com

And as you enjoy your next guilt free beer remember it was Boggart Blog what liberated you.

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The American Primaries leading up to elections are a bit of a mystery to us British punters but they throw up some interesting stories. Like the one in the 2010 mid term elections when a Mr. Alvin Green won the Deomocrat Party nomination for a seat in Congress. Mr. Green did well because people thought they were voting for Alvin (Al) Green the soul singer when in fact the wannbe candidate was Mr. Alvin Green the Gulf war veteran, dole bludger and ex convict.

Now one of the strage things is that even though the Democrats hold the Presidency they must go through the ritual of holding Primaries although it is unusual for a sitting President to be challenged and then only by local nutter type candidatestate close to the are s.

Such was the case in West Virginia, area in which the film Deliverance is set (cue banjo music). As it turned out the local nutter and a splendidly nutty nutter at that did surprisingly well, giving his opponent, a certain Barack Hussein Obama a run for his money.

From Optimus Paradigm posting on gather.com

[In} the Democratic primary in West Virginia Obama’s primary opponent got 41 percent of the vote and actually won 10 counties?

Unless you live in West Virginia, you probably didn’t even know that the President had a primary opponent there. But here’s the most amazing part: His opponent didn’t make a single public appearance in the contest.

He didn’t because he couldn’t; he was in jail at the time!

That’s right. Keith Judd, the guy who came close to defeating an incumbent President in West Virginia’s primary, is better known as inmate No. 11593-051 at the Beaumont Federal Correctional Institution in Texas.

All Judd had to do to get on the ballot was file the proper paperwork and pay a $2,500 fee.

WSAZ.com reported that Judd said: “Some outside supporter provided that to the Secretary of State; I do have outside support. I’m unaware of who that particular person was, and whether it was a person or a collection of persons.”

Judd has a history of entering various contests. According to New Mexico Telegram, Judd ran three times as a write-in candidate in New Mexico: twice for Mayor of Albuquerque and once for Governor. Judd himself told WSAZ.com that he’s been a perennial Presidential candidate since 1996. The Associated Press reported that in 2008, his name was on the Democratic Party ballot in Idaho.

I guess every inmate needs a hobby.

And I’m not surprised that four out of 10 Democratic voters in West Virginia would prefer anyone to Obama. After all, the President has made it clear he’ll do everything he can to destroy the coal industry in this country.

Prohibit businesses from burning coal, and there’s no reason to mine the stuff. Destroy coal mining, and you pretty much destroy the economy of West Virginia. That’s not hard for the folks there to understand. So it’s really no surprise that a lot of voters there would prefer anybody — even a jailbird — over the incumbent President. Look for every Democrat in the State to distance themselves as far as possible from the President in their own campaigns.

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“And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed, if all records told the same tale–then the lie passed into history and became truth. “Who controls the past,” ran the Party slogan, “controls the future: who controls the present controls the past.” (George Orwell, 1984.)

Slavery is freedom,
War is peace,
Ignorance is strength. (George Orwell, 1984)

Describing vouchers for parenting classes in England as a "nanny state" policy is "nonsense", David Cameron has said, defending another nonsensical policy aimed at extending the ability of a Orwellian Big Brother regime to reach into the private lives of citizens and control behaviour. The "parenting" (and who the fuck uses words like "parenting" except neo - Nazi public servants?) classes will be aimed at destroying family traditions and imposing uniformity so that future generations of children will be dead eyed little automatons programmed like Pavlov's dogs to obey commands from agents of the state.

Those with children aged up to five can get a £100 voucher towards parenting classes.The government has also announced a new NHS online information service for parents of very young children.

Labour said it had an "open mind" about the scheme (well they would, wouldn't they, it was their idea in the first place) but it needed to be "value for money" and reach a "wide range of parents".

Defending the policy, David Cameron said: "I think this whole debate about nanny state is nonsense. Parents want help. It is in our interest as a society to help people bring up their children."

How do we know this is a crap policy? Well Cameron supports it for one thing ... and ... if people are all such crap parents that we need help from Nanny State to look after our kids how come any of us are alive because no such help was available in the past. And how do dogs, cats and other animals go on?

The last people anyone neeeds to help with bringing up kids is the government. To quote Ronald Reagan, "The most dreded words in the English language are: I'm from the government, I'm here to help."

If the government is serious about wanting to help young parents it could contribute by teaching pupils in state schools to read properly then they would be able to follow instructions on packs of disposable nappies and milk formula.

Like the kerfuffle over same sex marriage this latest focus on parenting and childcare is a diversion from "big issues" like the flood of upshitcreekness the world is drowning in. If people cannot bring up kins without help from "parenting experts" who have never had kids themselves but have spent years in toytown universities getting their PhDees in "Parenting skills with origami" which makes them far more knowledgeable than mothers who have brought up two or three children of their own and are more than willing to pass on their knowledge to their daughters.

But in the Lab Lib Concensus bureaucratic dictatorship mothers who help their daughters are about as welcome as parents who teach their kinds to read and do sums properly. Such people are enemies of the control freak state and its tax eating servants.

For new mothers in the past help was also available from big sisters, aunts, neighbours and as a last resort, if the problem was really serious, the District Nurse. Nowadays
"community" nurses are too busy with form filling and bean counting to be available to offer advice.

Five Golden Orwells to Camereon and the coalition for efforts to destroy individualitynd a special award, a box set of Call The Midwife to the smug twat who dreamed up this idiotic waste of money.

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Its coming to something when the general public of the world are so paranoid that a dead bird is mistaken for an Isreali spy.

Now, the bird in question was found dead in a field in south east Turkey, with a metal ring around its leg that was stamped 'Isreal'. That in itself may not seem so unusual, but apparently it had what appeared to be enlarged nostrils, which could have been from the insertion of a microchip by Isreali intelligence forces.

If I'd been strolling through the fields and came across a dead bird, I'd probably think 'Aw, a dead bird. Shame.' The local cats would've seen to it from there. Its unlikely I would notice a metal ring, let alone the size of its nostrils.

However, being as I spend most of my time in France, drinking wine and eating cheese, it is possible that I have missed the reports of a new Avian Espionage between countries that have traditionally spied on one another.

Should I be watching out for a black-footed albatross milling around Trafalgar Square? Are pigeon fanciers in the depths of Lancashire being recruited to have their birds' nostrils enlarged and face the possibility of needing to change their identity and relocate to a new loft in Staffordshire?

How far can it go, really? Technology is moving at an ever increasing pace, should I be mindful of grapefruit from Georgia? Wary of apples from Azerbaijan? Careful around mushrooms from Montenegro?

Or will I just go about my business and worry more about where the next lot of wine and cheese will come from?

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Canada is know a one of the most stupid politically correct nations on Earth, more politically correct in fact than Sweden. After passing a same sex marriage law a few years ago the Canadian bureaucracy has banished perfectly good old fashioned terms like husband and wife to the dustbin of history to be replaced by the "inclusive" but impersonal and sterile "spouse." Also gone are son and daughter, uncle, aunt, grandad and grandma and most ridiculously mother and father.

Under the Canadian system those of us who have kids would be reduced to "parent 1" and "parent 2".

But even that level of idiocy is not enough for the United Nations.

The U. N. Human Rights Council has just launched a broadside against, Canada's flagrant violation of human rights, particularly the right to food. In the pompously titled ‘Special Rapporteur on the Right to Food,’ Olivier De Schutter, has accused the Canadians of unacceptable “rates of food insecurity,” and has demanded that the federal government in Ottawa to adopt “a national right to food strategy.”

Mr De Schutter is a prominent fuckwit bureacrat who recently published an article in The Guardian calling for the establishment of supranational “human rights courts” to address climate change. Yes, you read that right, this cupid stunt thinks climate change is violating your human rights.

In a press release issued yesterday, the dictatorial De Schutter, an expert on European Union law , declared in the best traditions of Orwellian newspeak:

Canada has long been seen as a land of plenty. Yet today one in ten families with a child under six is unable to meet their daily food needs. These rates of food insecurity are unacceptable, and it is time for Canada to adopt a national 'right to food' strategy.

WTF? Food insecurity? Is he suggesting a lot of Canadians have a panic attack when thy have to think about going down the supermarket and buying some scran?

Well as if that was not stupid enough he went on:

What I've seen in Canada is a system that presents barriers for the poor to access nutritious diets and that tolerates increased inequalities between rich and poor, and Aboriginal non-Aboriginal peoples. Canada is much admired for its achievements in the area of human rights, which it has championed for many years. But hunger and access to adequate diets, too, are human rights issues — and here much remains to be done.

A large number of Canadians are too poor to afford adequate diets. “800,000 households are food insecure in Canada. This is a country that is rich, but that fails to adapt the levels of social assistance benefits and its minimum wage to the rising costs of basic necessities, including food and housing. Food banks that depend on charity are not a solution: they are a symptom of failing social safety nets that the Government must address.

Ah, so what De Schutter means is that if DHWFs* in Canada are regularly sitting down to salmon, filet steak, pate de fois gras sarnies and a glass of fine wine to wash it down then if theslackers, no marks, weasters, dickheads, drunks, druggies and incompetents are not given the same it is a violation of their human rights. He subsequently criticised the Canadian government for levels of obesity in the country:

More than one in four Canadian adults are obese, and almost two thirds of the population is overweight or obese, costing at least 5 billion Canadian dollars annually in health care costs and in lost productivity. “This is also a result of poverty: adequate diets have become too expensive for poor Canadians, and it is precisely these people who have to pay the most when they live in food deserts and depend on convenience stores that charge higher prices than the main retailers.

So again we see the authoritarianism of the New World Order. You will soon no longer have the right live on porridge and lentil soup and spend all your money on rare stamps, not will you be able to pig out on pizzas, burgers, pies and mars bars rather than eating cabbage, beetroot smoothies and tofu. By having an unhealthy lifestyle you are violating your own human rights and the government will have to send the politically correct thought police round to sort you out.

In Canada Stephen Harper’s Conservative administration has rightly blasted the UN report, as well as UN interference in the sovereign affairs of one of the world’s leading democracies.

Boggart Blog is proud to award the maximum five Golden Orwells to Olivier De Schutter for his services to pseudo - liberal crypto - Naziism.

DHWFs = Decent hard - working folks

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Two police officers from an armed response unit were driving along a restricted road when the electronically operated bollards - designed to let buses and ambulances through - rose up under their unmarked BMW 530i and trashed the front of the vehicle.

The embarrassed PCs, one male, one female male both in full body armour and carrying guns had to wait an excruciating two hours for a tow truck to take the wrecked police car away - while laughing onlookers gathered to take pictures with their mobile phones.

The male officer slumped against the wrecked Beamer, contemplating his nice, shiny shoes. His female colleague sat on the kerb staring into infinity. We assume neither was singing "The Laughing Policeman."

Both officers will be reprimanded over their driving escapade on Market Street in Manchester amid fears the vehicle could be written off. They were tailgating a bus, hoping to sneak through the barrier before it rose. Many civilian drivers have been caught the same way so the coppers should have know it was impossible to beat the technology.

On the other hand we must wonder what plank in a suit forgot to equip police cars with a gadget that would get them through the bus lane.

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Pastor Maldonado came of age on Sunday, emerging from his chrysalis of being a backmarker who seems to get in the way a lot, to being a front runner, topping the timesheets in all qualifying sessions and driving a measured race to take his first win. Not bad for a man of god.... oh hang on, that's his name not a title, sorry.

Fernando Alonso once again demonstarted what an excellent driver he is, when not suffering the sulks and huffs that entertained us so much a couple of seasons ago.

Kimi Raikonnen continues to show Michael Schumacher just what a successful comeback is actually like, once again on the podium and surely not long till he's on the top step.

Schumi on the other hand continued to demonstrate that he is probably past it, not even the tactic of not completeing a lap in final qualifying in order to save tyres giving him any advantage in the race as he hung around the middle of the field until giving us a classic Schumacher moment when faced with a car he was struggling to pass, "misjudging" his speed, the distance to Bruno Senna's Williams and its speed and therefore ending up in the Wiliams's rear end and whilst giving the following Seb Vettel a visor full of carbon fibre.

Hamilton drove a stormin' race, gambling on only two tyre stops to try and get some points after being demoted from pole to the very back of the grid. Last year he asked, facetiously, "Is it cos I is black?" a la Ali G, well they do seem to be a bit heavy handed with the punishments you have to admit.

All very exciting again, but it isn't half buggering up my afternooon naps, I used to rely on F1 to have my eyes closing within half an hour.

And Monaco next, where Felippe Massa has it all to prove, otherwise he'll be joining the dole queue. Can't wait!

The Sydney Morning Herald ran a report last week which claims that in the not too distant future not only will sex robots eliminate real women in the sex industry but buying a robot fuck - buddy will also be a good way for nerds to find love.

Although the idea of animatronic prostitutes has been around since The Stepford Wives first screened the technology to create a simulated human for purposes of sexual gratification and companionship is stepping up as scientists get more fanatical in their efforts to completely dehumanise us.

The author of the sex robot article posits the benefits of such a creation, namely providing guilt-free sexual encounters and preventing diseases like herpes all the way up to HIV. That's as may be but what is life without risk. And what red blooded man would want to boff a dead eyed, unthinking automation. The nature of the people who are enthusdiastic about sex robots becomes obvious when you consider there is never any talk of shagdroids that ladies can avail themselves of.

Don't fancy yours - a sex robot

This particular field of human endeavour is the preserve of pointy eared tech heads with personal hygiene issues and dysfunctional personalities.

The editorial piece in the Sydney Morning Herald takes the theme one step further and makes the claim that a sex robot will one day ensure everyone will find the perfect mate.

What's the basis for this idea?

According to SMH, "Many of our social interactions have been reduced to the barebones transfer of information via various online media: text messages, emails, shared videos and pictures, status updates, and, (no kidding) , pokes."

Many people in advanced societies are already finding their social lives degraded social because conversation is being relegated short, impersonal exchanges in the void of cyberspace. If this trend continues future generation will all be nerds spending their lives in isolation, hunched over a computer.

In such a situation the needs of people who have little interest in more meaningful, stimulating and old-fashioned personal relationships will be answered perfectly by androids designed and programmed to be constantly ready for sex yet totally passive at other times.

That makes it a scary future but Boggart Blog has a better solution. We simply have to gather all the nerds together and KILL THEM.

Video at Mashable: Robot Red Light Districts By 2050

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We here that under the government's plans to reform disability benefits as part of their attempts to reduce the deficit will mean that people who lose a limb will no longer automatically be considered disabled.

Well that should save an arm and a leg.

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Sorry folks, we've been slacking here at Boggart Blog, we haven't had a go at scientists for ages. It is not that the pointy headed boys and girls haven't been trying, simply that their efforts to show they are very clever by solving problems they don't understand and that are truly not problems haven't been very funny.

The spillages were most likely between a coffee carrier’s seventh and tenth step, according to Live Science.

Following their discovery, the mechanical engineers had some advice for coffee drinkers.

They said leaving a large gap between the coffee and the top of the drinking vessel, and walking slower, prevents spillages.

Well bugger me with a bargepole wrapped in barbed wire, I would never have worked that out for myself.

All of this proves what we have said before, that scientists have far too much time on thir hands, too much taxpayers' money to play with and not enough imagiunation to think of sensible ways of killing time.

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How much longer are we going to sit back and allow a bunch of limp wristed, tofu - noshing wimps tell us what to think? I'm talking about the Politically Correct Thought Police of course, those middle class, metrosexual, Gaybour voting self righteous clowns whose unquestioning support for all "minority" causes has gradually marginalised the ordinary people of mainstream society.

If you oppose gay marriage you are a dumb, ill-informed, brainwashed, knuckle-dragging pikey and bigot. At least that’s what commenters in The Guardian's Comment Is Free threads are saying. In liberal circles supporters of gay marriage look at people who oppose seme sex splicings in Church with the kind of disgust with which most of us would regard a dog turd on our bed.

In the good ol' U S of A this week the "progressive liberals" who are progressing towards Naziism faster than any other political group on the planet have turned on the people of North Carolina for voting in favour of Amendment 1 which upholds the notion that marriage involves one man and one woman. A majority of North Carolina’s voters – 61 per cent – voted for the amendment to the state’s constitution, which says: “Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognised in this state.”

For taking this line, for having the temerity to vote for an option other than that the "profressive liberals" told them was right, the voters of North Carolina have been subjected to extraordinary levels of abuse and ridicule. Even the closet Marxist, closet Muslim, closet shirt - lifting, closet cokehead President has made some veiled comments to this effect, (without opening the doors on any of his closets of course.)

America's notoriously left - biased mainstream media says working class people are all “bigots” (what a pity Gordon Brown was not an American politician). In fact, according to the LA Times, an even more limp wristed newspaper than The Guardian, “even by the standards of the deep south, this was a remarkably mean-spirited vote”.

The LA Times then went on to argue that President Obama’s newly stated support for gay marriage is “similar” to Abraham Lincoln’s support for the emancipation of slaves. Erm ... not quite. Neither slaves, nor free blacks after emancipation, could marry a person of the same sex though black men and women could marry.

While Lincoln emancipated the black people held in slavery and thus benefitted their descendents, modern day blacks in North Carolina, those ungrateful beneficiaries of Lincoln’s abolition of slavery, are a conservative and evangelical lot. They did not vote to “liberate” gays in "the same way", in fact their vote went overwhelmingly against. Maybe they’ve been brainwashed into hating homos by the ghosts of their former masterts. Or maybe their redneck neighbours marched out of the trailer park wearing white, pointy hoods and carrying burning crosses and had a few lynchings of people inending to vote against the bill.

Or maybe, just maybe, they did what "progressive liberals" hate most and made up their own minds.

We have not gone quite as far in Britain yet but I have seen two of The Gurdian's most hypocritical leftie columnists comment on the Rochdale grooming case by saying the young girls involved were to blame, they brought it on themselves.

Hang on? Isn't that like excusing a rapist by saying the woman was "asking for it?" Oh well, at least we are starting to see where these wailing and gnashing of teeth guilt addicts stand. There only interest is in parading their assumed moral superiority.

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Sex crime is not something we ever intended to joke about but there's an exception to every rule.

This week's Stupid Criminal Of The Week award goes to a flasher. Now I don't want to belittle the nature of this crime because it is normally associated with sad, lonely old men in long Macs and no trousers; a shy and sensitive person who gets an eyeful of what is being flashed can be quite shocked and even traumatised. After all the aim of the flasher is to scare prople by exposing to them bits of the atatomy that are not normally seen.

So WTF was going on in the mind of the Philadelphia flasher who ran into a shop in the city and flung open his coat to reveal he was wearing a trakkie top and running shoes but no strides? Because the shop was a bookstore for THE BLIND!

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The Olympic torch, the ceremonial flame that symbolises the spirit of the games and will burn throughout the London spendfest was lit on Mount Olympus, Greece today.

In the torch, a craftsman made artefact, the flame was expected to be fuelled by a gas canister but due to austerity measures in Greece a birthday cake candle had to be used.

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When someone in the comments thread asked me a few weeks ago was it Boggart Blog that started the wicked rumour about Blackburn Rovers owners, Indian chicken packing company Venky's, signing hapless mansger Steve Kean because they thought they were getting former Manchester United and Ireland star Roy Keane I could only reply that were Boggart Blog an American site I would have to plead the fifth amendment.

Kean's nightmare did not come to an end there, Rovers team kept on running around like headless chickens, that fans kept barbecueing their season tickets and the Venky people contuinued to smile and insist everything was going to plan. When disillusioned supporters at the Ewood end dressed a chicken in Rovers colours and released it onto the pitch the bird turned in the best performance seen from anyone in a Rovers shirt all season.

Now with rumours rife that the famous old club is about to go into asdministration we hear Venky's Chickens are expanding their product line. They're trying to sell eleven turkeys.

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After a couple of days in hospital, nothing serious - I was a more risk from NHS incompetence but more of that when I hit my stride, I returned to find this among my comments.

pounds till payday (Visitor)
xxxx://xxx.toppaydayloans.org.uk/
hi there, url. Great info about payday loans

Now I always feel a bit of sympathy for the people who post this stuiff as they try to earn third world wages by spamming comment threads.

Buu people lacking the basic nous to substitute greenteeth.blog.co.uk for url deserves to be banged un on a secure unit for the safety of themselves and others, mostly themselves.

As Labour leader Ed Miliband was giving the interview to a local television reporter a man with a shiny face in a hat came through the crowd and slapped the egg on to the shoulder of the Labour leaders jacket. Before Mr. Miliband had time to "do a Prescott" on his attacker the man ran off down the street.

After being hit and removing his dirtied jacket, Mr Miliband joked that the man was "obviously not one of my fans". Obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawerr either. A more effective insult would have been to slap Ed round the face with a rasher of bacon.

Mybe it's because I'm flying out to Dublin for a few days on Sunday, but when I saw an ad for a bikini at H&M that featured a lithesome young gel in a skimpy two piece with "bikini top £3.99" to the side of her left breast, it didn't make me want to go out and buy one, it made me wonder just how much the unpriced bikini bottom was... a bit like those RyanAir ads that say "Fly to Spain for just £1!!!" and then when you take up their offer you discover it costs £897.99 to fly home again.

Either that or it was a Mastercard ad

Bikini top £3.99

Bikini bottom priceless

for everything else there's Mastercard

As the media analyse and reanalyse the results of yesterday's elections, trying to divine from the spilled entrails of a broken political system who will win the next general election Boggart Blog says the significant thing is the pitifully low turnout.

The voters hae spoken and they said "None of The Above."

Why are we so disenchanted with politics. As usual the answer can be found in ancient myths (my way of saying this is not original - it's one of those things tht has floated around for years): If you are not familiar with The Saga Of The Night Watchman here it is.

"Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a wilderness.

The safety and security committee said, "Someone may steal from it at night." 

So they created a night watchman position and hired a man forn the job.

Then the education department said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" 

So they created a training department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then the ministry of efficiency said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" 

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.

Then the department of business and industry said, "How are these people going to get paid?" 

So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired two people.

Then the audit office said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" 

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then The Treasury said, "We have had this function in running for one year and we are £1,000,000 over our £50,000 budget, we mustimplement austerity measures" 

... so they laid-off the night watchman.

Very apporopriate,when we are counting votes to decide which set of incompetent clowns will be responsible for wasting our for the next few years.

Political leaders in Belfast and Dublin have strongly criticised the head of Ireland's Catholic Church for his refusal to resign over a paedophile priest scandal.

In a way I feel sorry for the guy. He's never been the same since Father Ted kicked him up the arse. See it again on You Tube

from the Boggart Blog newsdesk:
Todays mainstream news papers and broadcast bulletins are full of the Superhero Barack Obama's daredevil visit to Afghanistan. The man who liberated Libya single handed and took out Osama Bin Laden (or a Pakistani penioner with a beard) in a daring solo raid behind enemy lines stormed into the Afghan capital, Kabul, made a speech that left hundreds of Taliban fighters dead and saw others fleeing for the mountains with their arses on fire then left again all in the space of fifteen minutes. He would have stayed longer but had to get back, put out a forest fire, shore up a mountainside that was about to collapse, catch a kid who had fallen over the rail and was about to plunge into the Niagra rapids and stop a huge dam from bursting and washing away several small communities in Coloado.

No, but seriously folks ...

After landing at Bagram Airbase around 10pm local time, the Prez - Dude was delivered by a low-level, cover-of-darkness "helicopter insertion" (he got arse fucked by a helicopter? Now wonder the limp wristed one was smiling) to the Presidential Palace where a ten-page proposal which contains no specifics on funding or troop levels was signed around midnight.

So secret was the visit that the White House spent the day frantically trying to deny leaked news of Obama's imminent arrival after the puppet government in Kabul blabbed to western media. This was yet another example of seamless co-operation between Afghan and Coalition governments that perfectly ilustrates the readiness of President Khazi's government to provide stability and security after the allied withdrawal..

After the signing, there was just time for Mr Obama to duck into a hangar and make a rousing address to the bewildered troops who have a big enough problrem trying to anticipate which direction the next enemy attack will next come from without having to worry about which direction the next visit by Obama, Cameron or Sarkozy will come from. Then he made an address to the American nation reminding them how he was single handedly routing the Taliban on a daily basis. This was, of course, another perfect excuse for the President to remind everyone of his heroic decision to leave the golf course and sit in a corner of the Situation Room as the Navy SEALs hit the alleged terrorist compund a year ago.

Obama's autocue, said by many to be the real voice of the Presidency, is a past master at makeing a vitue out of absurdity, and this occasion was no exception as The One mouthed meaningless cliches about “new light” breaking on the horizon for Afghanistan, even as he gestured to the “pre-dawn darkness” in which he was speaking. Even the Presidential autocue's rhetorical skills couldn’t disguise the tail-between-the-legs ‘optics’ of the event. It was as big a public disaster as news of the Administration's billion - dollar gift to the Taliban or Michelle Obama's $30,000 spending spree in posh knicker shop Agent Provocateur.

Administration officials tried to suggest that the visit’s unusual timing was for the benefit of the US TV networks, a piece of spin so feeble it does not merit a response.

There is no doubting the wisdom of the President’s security advisors in keeping the visit secret and under cover of darkness, it is only two weeks ago that the Haqqani network mounted a co-ordinated 18-hour assault on the heart of Kabul. Unfortunaterly despite the gung ho speech the message of this trip was clear and will not be missed by the west's enemies: after a decade of expending blood and money in Afghanistan, the US President does not dare visit the place broad daylight.

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This week's Stupid Criminal Of The Week award goes to a robber who was quickly arrested after being caught on CCTV wearing a pair of boxer shorts over his face during an attempted robbery.

Tazviona Maluge Bhebe, 40, entered an off licence in South London, brandishing a kitchen knife and wearing a pair of light blue boxer shorts over his face, peering through one of the leg holes as he threatened 34-year-old shop worker Harry Mahalingham.

Mr Mahalingham said: "The robber souted 'Give me your money or I will use the knife'".

BMahalingham jumped over the counter and beat Bhebe over the head with A-frame display sign, causing the boxer shorts to slip down and expose his face on CCTV.

Police arrived at the scene within minutes and quickly arrested Bhebe in the street after watching the CCTV footage and recognising him.

That's what you getb for being too macho to wear the wife's tights over your head.

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