Police forces in England, Wales and Northern Ireland have admittted storing body parts and organs that are no longer required as evidence, a report published today reveals.
The samples were kept from murder investigations and suspicious deaths from as far back as 1960. A covert police unit led by Inspector Igor has been working on stitching the body parts together in an attempt to create a kind of copper guaranteed to disperse rioters and but the fear of God into terrorists.
Brains, heads, hearts, livers, lungs and human limbs were among the samples.
Commenting on the report from the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) Superintendent Karloff said body parts no longer needed as evidence could not be discusssed as what the police planned to do with them was nobody else's effing business.
The report was sparked following a series of complaints from criminals that they had been arrestede by Constables who stank of death warmed up and had very cold,clammy hands. Once man suspected of being a mugger complained "I didn't mean to nick the coppers fingers, they just fell off and landed in me pocket." Another told our reporter, "The copper wot arrested me said, "'Ello 'ello, 'ello, we've got you bang to rights my lad. Now we can either do this the hard way or I can just eat you."
A whistle blower inside the living dead squad told Boggart Blog, "We have mastered the bit about getting corpse mash ups to move realistically but still have alot of work to do on the decomposition problem.
Sergeant Fred Cadaver of the Police Federation Zombie branch said, "Now the Federation have accepted up as proper coppers we are hoping to get out lads the same pay and conditions as regular police officers. We accept times are tough but it is completely wrong to expect people to work for nothing jusdt because they are dead.