Journalist, Carol Midgley, has written a book for children entitled,"My Family and other Freaks".

The book is the anguished musings of a pre-teen child who suffers abject mortification anytime any of her family breathe by the sound of things.

In the children's section of the paper today Mrs Midgely writes a light hearted guide for children to present to their parents to help said parents avoid being soooo embarrassing, outling potential embarrassments and the effect on the child.

These include not using hip language; not dancing, ever, never mind at weddings; not dressing inappropriately for ones age.

The one that caught my eye was "... and never say to your eldest, 'How's my big boy/girl today?' This could a) make them vomit and b) make them want to leave home."

Really Carol? Is that all I have to do to ensure BBC is asking to borrow a suitcase?

Hmmm, if you'll excuse me I just have to go and find out how my big boy is today....