The notoriously politically correct Mayor of New York, Michael Bloomberg, whose city administration has banned large fizzy drinks and tried to ban the calorie laden food Americans love could not have been comfortable speaking at the official weigh-in ahead of the national hot dog eating competition which takes place in New York's Coney Island yesterday.

To make matters worse, Mr. Bloomberg, who is known for being intense and humourless as only politically correct do gooders can be, left the wording of his speech to an official speechwriter. This joker decided that a light-hearted approach was called for and littered the address with really dodgy puns that would have been at home in a Carry On film but that the Mayor did not have the chutzpah or comic timing to get away with.

Mr Bloomberg began with a weak gag about New York being "top dog" for street food.He went on to wonder aloud whether the current champion Joey Chestnut would "swallow the competition" or whether another "chow hounds" had the "pedigree" to win. He then told the audience about how much he "relished" the competition.

Speaking about the current male and female champions, he asked: "Will one of their dogged pursuers finally ketchup, cut the mustard and be pronounced wiener? No question it is going to be a dog fight."

Some of the puns were so laboured they would have been at home in a Carry On film. We would like to close on a hot dog related pun of our own but the only thing that comes to mind is the old George Melly song, Hot Dog Man about a gentleman who performs certain services for ladies who want a hot dog in their roll.

Oo - er Missis.

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