On our way back from the seaside the other day we called in at the retail outlet place on the A64 to purchase a years supply of trainers.
As we completed a circuit of the mall we came across the Le Creuset store.
"Ooooh Le Creuset porn," I cried and headed straight in.... and that set me thinking.
For all those women not turned on by BDSM a preview of my erotic novel, Fifty Shapes Of Le Creuset.
This is the red casserole of cookery. Its very colour ignites the flames of passion deep within her as she draws it out of the packaging. It is large, oh so large, she has never seen one so large. And heavy. Deep and round. She shudders slightly at the thought of what could be created within such a magnificent specimen. Ratatouille, boeuf bourguinon, bolognese, her thoughts tumble over one another like chopped onions cascading down into the pan. Reverently she lowers the casserole onto the waiting hob.
Her hand caresses the smooth hardness of the cast iron. She can feel it warming under her touch. Her heart beats a little faster in anticipation. She allows her fingers to curl into the sensuous firmness of the handle. Her lips part as a soft gasp of pure pleasure escapes from her expectant body.
With exquisite tenderness she tilts the casserole away from the burning gas beneath it, she moistens her lips with the tip of her tongue and reaches slowly for the extra virgin olive oil. She watches as it glides, smoothly, thickly, luxuriantly out of the slender neck of the bottle, drizzling, pooling, against the soft cream of the base.
Her eyes glisten, her lips part once more, her breath comes in short gasps as she watches the oil begin to sizzle and catches the sweet fragrance, drawing it deeply into her body through her flared nostrils and open mouth...
But enough of the free previews, you're gonna have to wait for the blockbusting published version to find out what happens next. Can't wait can you?