Following an outbreak of Bono syndrome among athletes in the Olympic village, health and safety experts are blaming a mixture of politics and hyperbolic media coverage for polluting the drinking water.
In a letter to the Prime Minister, a number of British athletes infected by the outbreak have called on the Government to make dealing with malnutrition a top priority ahead of its "hunger summit" in Downing Street this afternoon. According to the athletes there will be three million more hungry children in the world by the time of the next Olympic games. This figure is not as shocking as it first seems,any parent knows chldren are always hungry.
Andrew Mitchell, the development secretary, said “There will be many brilliant legacies from these wonderful games, the image of Jessica Ennis' lycra clad bottom will be burned on the memories of many men for decades. I think many people want one of these to be that we helped the poorest of the world by spending £££ billions on a exercise that was entirely pointless but for the jingoistic pleasures it gave us all.
There are many people who do not have the ability to compete in sport or indeed live their lives in a normal way because they're stunted from birth."
The minister is wrong of course, being malnourished does not stop children from taking part in sport, it just stops them from being very good. What really stops malnourished children in third world countries from getting involved in sports is having to work 97 hours a day for 30 pence making the shoes, vests and shorts the millionaire athletes wear when competing.
We should be worried that the Prime Minister, looking increasingly desperate to grab something that may save his job, will try to associate himself with our successful athletes by saddling us poor punters with an ever bigger bill for supporting thrid world tyrannies and theocrtic dictatorships.
Eager to offer an alternative solution Boggart Blog contacted our political consultant Sir Hector Gobbett Broadsides who was the Hang em and Flog em party MP for Rawtenborough from 1832 to 1997.
He said, "Egad, that the competitive spirit evaporated already. Have those athletes forgotten their years of self sacrifice, toil and pain. You can't expect something for nothing in this world so away with all these hand wringers and bleeding hearts. If the athletes are so keen to bung a bit of bunce at the starving millions what they should do is write to the International Olympic Committee and suggest the next Olympics should be in the car park of the local Tescos. Visiting athletes could be put up in tents on a disinfected cow pasture and provided with kerosene stoves on which to cook their food. A bit of the Corinthian spirit, that's what we need.
The slow murder of democracy by mainstream media