The Oxford guide to dating posh girls was meant to be a light-hearted guide to help working-class boys woo posh birds but inevitably it has caused the politically correct thought polce to kick off about misogyny.

Cherwell, the 92-year old student newspaper published the six-point guide on the ‘challenge’ of courting classmates from privileged backgrounds. The artice has now been withdrawn on grounds that it might be considered sexist by the kind of fat ugly lezzas nobody would want to date anyway feminist students and staff.

Sadly the offending article only offers advice to young men from middle and working class homes who have gained entry to Oxford. What about the rest of us. We need no tips on catching them of course, posh birds are always gagging for a bit of rough. No, what northern lads need help with is training up posh totty to be proper girlfriends.

One piece of good advice the author, Manchester born Tom Beardsworth advises cunt love struck swains to be sensitive if their posh inamoratas travel north. He's right, posh birds can be traumatised by the sound of a Lancashire or Yorkshire accent, are far too delicate to digest a meal of pie and peas and need to be warned that they must pack a fencing mask because the sound of a sloane ranger accent is certain to get it's owner glassed in the snug of the Fettler's Arms where you a obliged to take her on your hot date.

She also needs to be warned that the phrase often assumed to refer to "Fur coat and nee knickers" does not refer to somebody who places too much value on appearances but is the standard dress code for any femal travelling north of a line drawn from the Humber to the Mersey. Southern girls simply cannot cope with the kind of winds that blow in from the arctic.

Your posh totty should also be aware that in the north at any time beween early August and mid May the doggy position is obligatory for 'congress' as it is the only position that enables the man to have sex while drinking his can of Special Brew, eating chips from a plate balanced on her back and watching football on tele over her shoulder.

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